This evening I was watching a popular reality television show when I found myself sadly wondering why women put up with men who cheat. In this particular episode, a man has three kids with three different women and they are all arguing with each other due to him. The thing that troubled me the most about this whole situation is that the ones who lose out in this fiasco are the children. As siblings, they should all be raised around each other or, at the very least, know each other. Since the mothers can’t seem to get along, it doesn’t seem like this will ever be possible.
Even more galling is that, while these women argue with each other, this man is like a spectator who is watching a show being acted out on stage. Some of you might argue that this just happens on television but I beg to differ. Time after time, I see familial situations like this one where women are devaluing their worth for the “privilege” of being with a man. It brings me back to my childhood when my Grandma used to tell me “No man is an island.” I didn’t completely understand what she meant back then but I do now. There are way too many men on this planet to be stuck with one who doesn’t respect you.
I wonder what motivates these women to negatively compete with one another in the name of love. Is this what we are teaching children in our society, that love is supposed to hurt and make you feel like less of a person? As an educator, I realize that this self-destructive behavior stems from having poor self-worth and from the relationships that we viewed growing up between our parents or family members. It stands to reason that if you don’t love yourself or if you don’t think you deserve to be loved and treated well, you will accept toxic relationships as the norm.
Aside from raising awareness about this topic on my blog, the only other way that I can contribute to stopping this cycle of behavior is by raising my sons to value women and to accept their responsibilities as men. On the other hand, those of you who are raising daughters need to instill this pride and self-love in them from early on so they will have higher standards for themselves with regards to their relationships with men.
Only then, will we raise women who will not put up with this type of nonsense. Instead, they will say to themselves, “I am worth more than that and I love myself enough to walk away from someone or something that does not add value to my life.”
Let’s Discuss: Why do you think women put up with these types of relationships?
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Reading things like this reminds me of why I don’t watch tv. Around here, the people that I know won’t put up with things like cheating and spouses know that so they don’t do it.
I wish I could answer that question. I boggles my mind when I see woman trying to hold it all together when there is nothing there. Low self esteem maybe? I avoid watching shows that portraits women “putting up” with men!
Lately it seems like I’ve heard about a lot of people cheating in my community, and it’s not just men, it’s women too. I don’t get it. The kids are the ones that lose here. How do you think a kid feels when they find out dad is cheating on mom with one of their friend’s moms? It’s just a horrible situation. I don’t know why anyone puts up with it.
I had a cheating Husband. At one point, I knew and didn’t care. I did move him out of my bedroom andI stayed until my Daughter was out on her own, and then I left. Everyone has their reasons for staying.
I think it has something to do with super low self esteem. What else could it be other than the ladies thinking somehow they can’t get anyone else? I wouldn’t put up with it – I would rather be alone.
I think it’s hard to understand when a man cheats once, he doesn’t respect you and will do it again. If you don’t have that mindset, it’s easy to believe the apologies are real.
I loved this sentence: There are way too many men on this planet to be stuck with one who doesn’t respect you.
Thanks for this article. I just dumped my boyfriend for online cheating two weeks ago – it wasn’t even physical cheating. But what bothered me was the disrespect, the incredible amount of lying, the chasing and lusting after another woman (and acting on it). It feels like a slippery slope to me. If I put up with this, what will be next? Not to mention, I obviously don’t trust him anymore.
I can never work it out how people can put up with such things, I guess some believe they will change and others just don’t think they are worth more which is so sad. x
I often wonder the same thing. I have too much self worth to get into situations like that. I often tell my daughter that she has to have confidence and security in herself and not look to a man for that. Love yourself first and you won’t be a victim to men like these
I don’t understand how someone is able to put up with someone who cheats in a relationship, once a cheater always a cheater; people hope for them to change their way, but rarely does it ever happen.
My opinion is that the women who tolerate it have low self-esteem and lack a solid support system. They simply don’t often have the confidence to leave. Very sad.
Unfortunately there are too many people (men and women) who do not respect themselves enough to not deal with this behavior. Some wake up and get it eventually but yes the children are the ones that suffer.
I have found myself having the same thoughts. There are so many women that think they are not good enough to have a better man. You are right it starts when they are young. What our children learn from us will define how they allow others to treat them.
I think for some people they’re just repeating the cycle of what they grew up with. Their mom may have been in the same kind of relationship. 🙁
Some people just get used to it and that is so sad. Amber N
I think for some women it’s low self respect born out of how they have been treated. some don’t think they deserve more.
I think there are a lot of reasons women stay in relationships like that. It’s very sad.
I think women are scared to leave these men as well as low self esteem. Maybe it’s a lack of thinking of not finding anyone better? Also women may think something is wrong with them for the man to go cheat…
Financial reasons or low self esteem are truly why they are staying. I really don’t understand why someone could be with a cheater what is the worst is women who go after married men like they got some prize I always think if they cheat on their wife they will have no issue cheating on you either. oh it’s annoying to see people cheat on one another. You are so very right the kids are the one’s who truly suffer and the women who say they stay for the kids are not doing any of the kids any favors because all it’s teaches is that it’s ok to cheat its’ ok and acceptable for men and women to treat each other this way.
I think a lot of it has to do with the negative association of being single, especially being single if you’re a woman. There’s a belief that any man is better than no man. We need to teach our kids to value all choices.
Low self-esteem is a big reason. And it is a vicious cycle because these men just keep feeding those women the idea that they are basically worthless. I also think many women are afraid of change and the “devil you know is better than the devil you don’t” kind of mentality .
Tough one! Sometimes you don’t really know how bad a situation is when you are in the middle. Once you leave you are able to see the big picture and how bad it really was! I’m going through a divorce now from a marriage that was honestly was toxic. I think sometimes you love someone so much and you go so long putting everyone first before yourself that you forget to love yourself. It’s good to be selfish sometimes and love yourself!
There are so many women in the same situation. I think they put up with it for numerous reasons: insecure, is afraid of change, they believe the man will actually chane, they believe they can’t get better, ect.
I agree with you, most of the time it is the low self-esteem in women that make them behave this way. It also because men recognize this in such women, and try to control them and enable them to a point where the self-worth is completely destroyed.
I think a big thing is they are afraid they won’t find love anywhere else. It makes me so sad for them
I cannot stand those shows. They seem to display the worst of womenhood. Maybe they do it for the attention? I have to wonder how real they are. I mean, do people really act that way in real life?
I think that these women just don’t think they can do any better. Really they should be thinking that they can’t do much worse.
I have to believe that these women truly don’t believe they deserve any better. Or they don’t know how to get out. there are a lot of mental illnesses that cause women to get stuck in relationships like these. it’s so sad.
I could never stay with a man who cheats or cheated once. It breaks the honesty in the relationship. Besides, If they do it once, they will probably do it again. I don’t know why women put up with that. I guess they are insecure or really love that man.
No I would not put up with a man who cheats. I think a man should act like the man he wants his son to be and his daughter to date.
Great post! I totally agree that we need to teach our son’s and daughter’s that love is about respect. We need to teach them to value themselves and not tolerate being treated poorly. We have tried to teach our son that he should treat every woman as he would expect his sister to be treated.
I’ve often wondered why woman put up with men cheating, maybe it’s financial reasons. I have had friends who did this, only to finally leave, realizing they should have do it sooner 🙂
I think it is definitely lack of self esteem. If you love yourself, then you’re not going to want to be with someone that doesn’t love you or disrespects you like that, I think women stay because they think they cannot do better, that no one else will love them. If they could only realize that indeed there are many men that would treat them better!