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This evening, I was having a conversation with my dear friend and fellow blogger Alexandra Elizabeth. She shared with me how she experiences a daily struggle to find just the right balance between being a professional working mom and spending enough time with her daughter. It was an all too familiar discussion for me because, as an educator, I also worry constantly whether I am doing a good job juggling my many roles including being a career woman and mother.
Take this past week, for example, there were many events that took place that reminded me just how thin I spread myself on a daily basis. I believe it was Wednesday when I emailed my son’s teacher back and forth to discuss that he hasn’t been handing in his assignments to her in a timely manner. Now, of course I supervise both of my sons’ homework completion every evening.
However, since I work full-time, I have to admit that there are some evenings when I’m just exhausted and I skim over the assignments just to make sure they are done. Obviously, if I wasn’t working, I would be able to pour over every page with a fine toothed comb and catch any organization problems before they became a real issue. So there comes that “Mom guilt” creeping in when I second guess whether I’m doing a good job as a mom.
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It’s really illogical for me to even feel this way because I try very hard to be Super Mom. I take my boys to all kinds of events, spend every waking moment of my free time with them, and chauffer them around all weekend to all of their sports events. At the end of the day, though, there just never seems to be enough time in the day for working moms to get everything done. Not to mention that little nagging voice in the back of my mind that reminds me of how precious every second of my sons’ lives are and how quickly they are going to grow up.
So what do us working moms do to make up for that guilt that we feel about working away from the home and away from our children? We overcompensate by indulging our children, pushing ourselves to the limit, and never making time for ourselves, using our lunch breaks to call and email teachers, and generally constantly dealing with a full plate.
But our hearts are in the right place and we are driven to sacrifice by our intentions to provide our children with the best and most magical childhood that they could possibly imagine. We do it so they can attend the best schools, engage in their heart’s content of extracurricular activities, and learn the value of working hard and having a good work ethic. We really don’t have anything to feel guilty about except perhaps loving our children too much…
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This issue is definitely a big one for me! It’s the main reason that I haven’t engaged in the social media game as much as I would have liked to since I started blogging. With all the other commitments I have, I just feel like I can’t justify even more time online. But I still feel like I spread myself too thin. So I think no matter what we do, we’re never going to feel like we do enough for our kids as working moms. But the reality is that there is no such thing as a perfect balance when it comes to being a working mother – it’s all about changing up according to what’s needed at any given moment – and with little ones things change a LOT from day to day. The best we can do is take care of ourselves, so we can navigate all the day-to-day demands we have without falling apart. Yes, there’s good days when we feel like we “done good”, and there’s those days where we feel like we messed up, but in the end we are driven by the deep love we have for our kids and our desire to create great experiences for them. THAT’S what they’ll remember when they get older.
Thanks for talking about this issue, which I think plagues so many of us working moms! I have to say you really are an inspiration Maria 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words, Tisha. You are also an inspirational woman and mother. I completely agree with you, it’s very important to find that balance where you aren’t too hard on yourself and you continue to do the very best you can for your children and your family. It is definitely an issue that plagues most of us working moms and we need to stop giving in to our own insecurities. I’m sure most of us are wonderful mothers and should give ourselves more credit.
A lot of moms can relate including myself. I always feel like it’s not enough, especially when I have to say “No, I can’t play with your right now, I have a deadline.” Oh, the guilt gets bad! But then I think I’m providing for my child so it’s just trying to find that right balance of doing what you need to do to earn money with giving your child the love and attention they need.
Yes, Maria. The reality is that it is a necessary evil for us to work in order to provide our children with the kind of lives that we want for them. Finding balance is definitely key.
I returned to work again this week from a four month maternity leave and this post has helped me so much. I have been feeling terrible guilt an it’s nice to know I am not alone. We are doing it ALL for our children!
Hi, Danielle. I’m so glad that this post came at the perfect time for you. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! You are definitely not alone, most of us working moms struggle with these feelings. Yes, every single thing we do is for the benefit of our children. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are doing a great job!
It’s hard being a mom. There is so much pressure to do EVERYTHING. Realistically, we can’t. I’m going through the same thing at my sons school. All we can do is push through and love our boys. In the end, that’s what matters. Of course, education is important, but you know what I mean. 😉
I agree with you, Elizabeth. Loving them and showing them that we support them is very important. These are the things that they will hopefully remember from their childhood.
It’s so hard trying to do it all. You are doing the best that you can, and your best is great. That’s clear.
Thank you, Rachel. Your kind words and support mean a lot to me.
super moms! thats what we are! i am only working part time with 3 kids, ages 12, 11 & 2, and i still struggle to do it all on a day to day basis.
I totally understand and feel with you.. I work at a Law Firm 9-10 hrs a day and totally do the same dance you are doing trying to keep it all together… It’s not easy, BUT none the less we still are wonderful moms… Our kids have to eat and if we wouldn’t work they wouldn’t have food… YES.. we have to sacrifice but it all works out in the end somehow… You are a wonderful Mom, just like myself and any other working Mom… We can’t do it all, but all isn’t expected.. Remember the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”… so true… ((HUGS))
I was a single mom so the guilt was real heavy for me but I finally decided that the guilt was hurting more than helping. It is just important to do the best you can.
As a new empty-nester of three in college, enjoy all you can, release what didn’t go perfectly, focus on creating fine young adults, not necessarily the top students or athletes (that will happen as a result) as try to ditch the guilt. You’re doing the best you can like all the great mom’s I know!