The Mother In Law Chronicles-Letting Go!


    Many of you who have been loyal readers of Tough Cookie Mommy know that I have always had a tumultuous relationship with my Mother In Law.  Although I feel that I have tried to connect with her over the years, she has always pushed me away due to what I feel are her extreme conservative religious views.

    As time has passed, I have learned to accept that she is never going to like me or even respect me and I have resigned myself to the boundaries of our relationship.  What I have not been able to accept, however, is her continued absence from my sons’ lives as their grandmother.  She has never worked to establish a relationship with either one of my sons and this has always been a sore spot for me.

    Most recently, she failed to call my oldest son for this ninth birthday and it was really the straw that broke the camel’s back.  You see, she never calls either one of my sons for any holiday.  As a matter of fact, the extent of her contact over the years with them has been pretty much limited to a sporadic religious greeting card here and there or a comment on Facebook asking me to “say hello to her grandsons.”

    I suppose, in her mind, she somehow feels that she is punishing me by not having any contact with my children.  I’m hoping that is the reason because I can’t even imagine thinking that she doesn’t want anything to do with them because they are MY children.  The fact that a grandmother would feel that way about her children is inconceivable to me.

    I’m sure she tells people that she is grandmother of the year and that I keep her away from her precious grandchildren.  Nothing could be further from the truth…I have literally gone out of my way over the years to include her in most of the events that involved my children.  Despite the fact that she lives out of state, I have always extended invitations and made the kids call her for special holidays like Mother’s Day or her birthday.

    Not that I want to bring this up but, her own son probably wouldn’t call her at all if it wasn’t for me reminding me to call her from time to time.  I’m a mother so I try to think of how she feels as a mother and put our differences aside in order to encourage a relationship between she and her son.  Of course, I get no credit for that because she will never get over the fact that I took her son away from her.

    The truth is that I am tired of trying to gain her approval.  No more will I reach out to her and extend any kindness despite the fact that she treats me like trash.  I will no longer force my children to call a woman that they barely even know for her birthday.  I’m not going to put myself or them through that anymore!

    There are some lessons that I will forever be grateful to her for teaching me…She has taught me how to NEVER treat my sons or the women that they choose to share their lives with.  She has taught me that people don’t change unless they want to change and that sometimes you just have to cut toxic people off, even if they are family.  Lastly, she has taught me how to let go.  I’m letting her go and the horse she rode in on because she doesn’t deserve anymore of my energy.

© 2012, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. BiculturalMama says

    Relationships are a 2 way street, so if she chooses not be in her grandson’s lives, it’s her loss. Yes, to a certain extent it could be considered a “loss” for your sons, but hopefully they know they have other family members they can depend on who truly care for them.  It’s good that you realize you need to let go, because some things aren’t worth fighting for.

    • You are absolutely right, Maria, they are surrounded by a lot of love and are not missing out on anything by not having her in their lives.  If anything, they are better off without her since she cannot fulfill the requirements of the role.  Thanks for your support.

  2. Yokasta Schneider says

    Sounds like you’ve absolutely done all you can. Your boys have seen you put forth the effort, there is no more you can do.  It is a shame that she can not put whatever the “issues” are aside in order to see her grandkids.  

  3. Ladygoogoogaga2011 says

    Oh well, her loss!!

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