Most of you who live in New York have probably heard the news of the gruesome murder of 8 year old Leiby Kletzky. He disappeared recently while walking from his day camp alone for the first time to meet up with his mother on a street corner seven blocks away. On his way, he got lost after taking a wrong turn and reached out to a stranger to ask for help and directions. This stranger ended up taking young Leiby to his home, murdering him, and subsequently dismembering his body.
I cannot begin to tell you how horrified I am by this heinous crime. Besides the obvious reasons why these news would be disturbing to anyone, I have an 8 year old son. Over the years people have told me that I am too watchful over my children and that I shouldn’t worry so much about danger. I’m not sure if people are in denial about how many bad things still take place in society or if they have deluded themselves into having a false sense of security. In any case, I have never bought into this “look at the world through rose colored glasses” philosophy and I have always been keenly aware that there are predators out there that like to hurt children.
My children have been taught that they are not to ever talk to strangers. I also spend time talking to them about their bodies and about protecting their “private” areas from others. We have gone over various scenarios, many times, regarding what they should do if someone ever tries to grab them or touch them inappropriately. I’m sure this does not guarantee anything but at least my husband and I have opened up the discussion should any of these situations ever come up, God forbid. We are not paranoid, we are careful and vigilant.
More than ever, I am glad that I have always been steadfast about accompanying my children everywhere and watching over them at all times. I realize that not all mothers choose to parent their children this way. It leads me to wonder what kind of mother Leiby’s mother is…Is she overprotective like I am and let her guard down for that first time to let her son experience some independence? Is she the kind of parent who gives her children a lot of responsibility and independence in order to prepare them for the real world? As a mother, I know this one thing for sure, she will forever blame herself for what happened to her son to a certain extent. She will blame herself because she allowed him to walk by himself from camp to meet up with her.
I actually know a woman, whose children play at the park my boys play in, that is critical of how vigilant I am over my own sons. She has three children under the age of 8 and she allows them to have free run of the park. I don’t allow my children to run all around the park to parts where I can’t see them and she says I should leave them alone because nothing is going to happen to them. The irony of her parenting practices is that, on more than one occasion, I have had to run around the whole park with her looking for one or more of her children who had wandered off and could not easily be located. During those moments when she is frantically running around looking for them, I wonder if she ever reflects on the fact that she needs to revisit her parenting practices.
The fact of the matter is that I don’t care what other parents think about how I choose to parent. If you want to be more liberal and give your children a lot of freedom to be more independent, by all means. I live in an inner city and I believe that there will be plenty of time for them to be independent when they are older. Right now, they need to be protected by their father and I. Actually, the fact that you do not live in the inner city should not be of that much comfort to you because serial killers and predators love small towns too. The truth is that they are and can be anywhere. None of our children are exempt from stranger danger…
© 2011, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.
Hey Maria–
This is such a heartbreaking story. I read it this morning. Most vexing is that Leiby’s parents did a trial walk home with him last week so he would know the way.
Yesterday I was talking to my son about how the world is generally a safe place and that most people possess good will. He replied, “then how come you won’t let me walk to school alone?” He’s nine and will begin the fourth grade in the fall. Our neighborhood is very safe, but as a mom, I just can’t take that chance.
We joke that he has to hold my hand while crossing the street until he’s 29 y/o. Yesterday as I grabbed his hand, he asked if we could move up the cutoff to 28…;).
I totally agree with you–we have to be ever vigilant, but balance that out with the message that the world is an inherently safe place. We don’t want them to have a skewed picture, but a realistic one.
Prayers to Leiby’s family…:(.
Linda, just about every parent I know in New York City is holding their children for dear life right now. I agree with you that it is important that we teach our kids that not everyone is bad and that there is a lot of good in the world so that they don’t become jaded and not trust anyone. It’s sad that we can’t give our children more room to spread their wings because there are monsters like this killer out there. I won’t let my children go anywhere without me and, you are doing better than I am because the cut-off age I always give my sons is 40. 😉
Excellent post. It’s so easy for both parents and children to “let their guard down”, especially in areas where they feel safe. When my 18yo was carjacked last summer in a Target parking lot the police officer who took his statement said the easiest “prey” is a child or teen who’s been taught to be well-mannered and respectful of adults and not make a scene. She encouraged us to role-play what he should have done in the situation, and I did the same thing with my younger son.
OMG, that must have been a terrifying experience for you and your child. I actually have role played with my sons and encouraged them to scream for help or the police if someone is trying to grab them or hurt them. These predators don’t want to draw attention to themselves and will often flee if they feel that someone will see them. Your story proves that we need to be vigilant of our children even if they are teenagers and they think that nothing bad could possibly happen to them.
I am told I’m too protective as well… Who knows what my “over-protectiveness” has prevented or will prevent in the future! Hopefully we’ll never find out. You can never be too safe in this day and age.
I agree with you, CeeCee. I won’t make any apologies about being overprotective. We live in a crazy and uncertain world.
I heard about that news story…so sad and disturbing. I’m with you, kids will have plenty of time later to be more independent. Maybe I’m overprotective, but for me, better safe than sorry.
That is exactly how I feel, it is definitely better to be safe than sorry. I cannot even imagine the emotions that his poor mother must be going through right now…
That poor mom. As you wrote, she will forever second guess her decision and play the “what if” game. I feel so badly for her.
That poor mom. As you wrote, she will forever second guess her decision and play the “what if” game. I feel so badly for her.
That poor mom. As you wrote, she will forever second guess her decision and play the “what if” game. I feel so badly for her.
That poor mom. As you wrote, she will forever second guess her decision and play the “what if” game. I feel so badly for her.
That poor mom. As you wrote, she will forever second guess her decision and play the “what if” game. I feel so badly for her.
I will never understand why people do what they do. I am so sad for this family. I just wanted to say hello, I am your newest follower from the hop 🙂
I will never understand why people do what they do. I am so sad for this family. I just wanted to say hello, I am your newest follower from the hop 🙂
I will never understand why people do what they do. I am so sad for this family. I just wanted to say hello, I am your newest follower from the hop 🙂
I will never understand why people do what they do. I am so sad for this family. I just wanted to say hello, I am your newest follower from the hop 🙂
I will never understand why people do what they do. I am so sad for this family. I just wanted to say hello, I am your newest follower from the hop 🙂
I read about that killing in NYC and was horrified and saddened beyond measure, my heart breaks for that child’s family!
Wow. Guess you can never be too protective these days.
Stopping by from the Friday hops to say hello.
Have a great Friday!
POSH
http://poshonabudget.com/2011/07/happy-friday-5.html
I am a new fan from My-2-cents I would love it you would visit and follow back. Have a blessed weekend! <3
I needed this reassurance that I’m not the only mother who is “over protective”
New follower from the Friday Facebook Follower hop! Hi!
I think there is a difference between “overprotective” and just being careful, watchful and paying attention to what your kids are doing. Just reflecting on your second to last paragraph, and the mother at the park. I wouldn’t consider you overprotective because you keep a watchful eye on your children and know where they are at all times. I call you smart!!
fillingourbucket.com
I completely agree with you. We have more and more people in our society, and that means more and more wackos are out there in my opinion. Watch your children like hawks everyone!!
Nice to find you on bee friendly:)
Courtney
http://www.mommyladyclub.com
Can I just say…
Amen sister!
You said it..
I get teased all the time too…but, those kids of mine are the MOST important thing.
I’m glad that I found you on the Bee Friendly hop!
Kathy
http://countingtoten.com
I am with you too! I was recently told, in so many words, that I limit my children too much. I disagree that I limit them too much, but would rather limit them too much and know they are safe and healthy than limit them too little and have something horrible happen! It is our job as parents to take care of our children, and I personally take that job very seriously.
New follower from Bee Friendly Friday! Have a great weekend!
New GFC Follower & Facebook Liker of yours from Hop Along Friday Blog Hop!
Out blog hopping so just popping in. I could not even finish watching the news on this one. The amount of crime against young children breaks my heart. This poor child and his family. Punishment needs to be amped up to the max to stop this stuff from happening. Anyhow on a lighter note I hope you have a great weekend. So nice to meet you. Kim
http://cravingsofalunatic.blogspot.com/
http://losingitlikealunatic.blogspot.com/
I heard about this last night! Horrifying! I feel for the mother. My husband wonders why I watch my teens at the bus stop until they get on the bus. I’m in the house, of course, they’re 14 and 16, but I don’t leave that window until they are safely on the bus. We have never had a crime in our village and I want to keep it that way! Parents have to be vigilant.
I’m a new follower from the hop! Hope you’ll hop by and visit my blog too!
nancy
http://stylendecordeals.blogspot.com/
so scary but thank yoy for sharing.
I liked you in FB from FB Friday using my personal account, here is my page — http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mom-Daughter-Style/247559405254400 I hope you’ll like back
Love this post! I couldn’t agree more. I used to get that ALL the time, still do, about how overprotective I am. It would really anger me. Even now that our youngest is 16, I still ask for cell #’s of kids and parents.
My kids are MOST important to me. Why wouldn’t I be protective?
~ Mona : )
Mona’s Milestones
Maria, I am so with you on this. I wrote almost an identical post at the end of last week (http://jugglingactcalledlife.blogspot.com/2011/07/murder-of-leiby-kletzkyhold-your.html). I am ever vigilant and over protective some may say. As you, I do not let my children leave my sight. We also, have discussed the touching and viewing of private parts.
I believe in rasing independent children, but as you say, there is time for more independence later. This story touched my heart so deeply that I had tears streaming down my face and had many sleepless nights. I get to hold my children close. His mom can not. My son (as hers would have too) will be celebrating his 9th birthdy this week and her’s never will. And here I go, crying once again. I’m heartbroken for them all. May that beast rot in hell for what he did to that child.