It’s Nothing Personal…


    A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine wrote a post about meeting up with an old romantic flame. He mistook their encounter for more than what it was, which was a wave of nostalgia, and had to promptly be put in his place. You can read all about it on her blog, Adventures in Estrogen.  I digress…The point that prompted me to write my post tonight is that he eventually read her blog and was very insulted at some of the reactions from her readers and their criticisms of him.

    This caused me to reflect on my own blog audience. Now, I’m not that egocentric to presume that my readers span the earth far and wide. However, there is the distinct possibility that someone whom I am close to or that I actually encounter in real life regularly, will at one point be insulted by something that I write about in this blog. I would say that this is a fairly realistic prediction considering that a few family members and my husband subscribe to my blog. Initially this was exciting as it added to my readership but, now that I am a bit more comfortable and have gotten my blogging chops, I’m not sure that it is even that exciting anymore but potentially intrusive.

    To be honest, I’m not sure how I even feel about it at this point.  On one hand, I couldn’t care less what the people I blog about think about what I have to say.  After all, this is my blog and essentially my haven to purge myself of everything that I have to say in a somewhat risk-free environment.  On the other hand, it’s important to me that others realize that this blog has absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.  I’m sure all bloggers will admit this after a bit of prompting.  Nobody wants to admit that they embark on an endeavor for purely selfish reasons.  That is the beautiful thing about blogging, it is mostly about you and your thoughts and feelings on a variety of topics.

    I’m not even sure how I would feel or respond if someone in my family or circle of friends complained about being offended about something I said on my blog.  I have always prided myself on my brutal sense of honesty so I don’t think I would even care or be remorseful for being truthful.  Life has certainly taught me that most people have serious problems handling the truth.  As bloggers, should we retract statements or thoughts that we can prove to be true in order to spare someone’s feelings or to conform to society’s expectations of what is acceptable and unacceptable discussion?

    Obviously, I am referring to statements or thoughts that are within reason and that we don’t intentionally publicize in order to defamate or destroy others.  For example, it wouldn’t be appropriate to share someone else’s marital problems or other intimate information about others simply for the sake of stirring up controversy and attracting followers behind that premise.  I pride myself on being honest not being cruel. 

    Even with keeping these parameters in mind, I will undoubtedly find myself in the situation of having offended someone at some point throughout the span of this blog.  I’m not apologizing in advance nor am I making any promises that I will apologize after the fact.  What I will say is that I am open to the prospect of eventually having someone be put off by my feelings, thoughts, or ideas.  After all, how boring would it be if we all agreed with each other all of the time? 

    When that time comes, just remember that nothing is ever as serious as it seems.  I never claimed to be the authority on anything, just a caring mother and wife who is doing the best that she can trying to raise two men, taking care of a home, keeping a happy husband, and holding down a full-time career educating inner city youth.  Wait a minute, now that I think about it, maybe I am an authority on a FEW things.  In any case, when that moment comes that something in my blog offends you, just remember it’s nothing personal…

Have you ever offended someone with one of your blog posts?  I would love to hear all about it!

© 2011, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. Oohhhh… lovely. Thanks for that, genuinely!It’s still been a tough couple of days.You are SO right about what the blog is really about – and that it’s nothing personal! xx

    • Steph, my feeling is that, if we over-think this whole process, we end up not being true to ourselves or true to our readers. Within reason, we should write about whatever suits our fancies.

  2. It is impossible, IMPOSSIBLE, to go around sharing your ideas and not hurt SOMEONE along the way at some point. It just is. Your blog is an extension of who you are, the ideals and values you stand for and a combination of your wisdom, opinions, feelings and life stories. If you breathe, think, live -that in itself can be enough to fill someone with envy, hate, annoyance, apathy and insecurity. After all, we are human beings and capable of a myriad misconceptions, confusions and misinterpretations. I am going to be brutally honest with you, Maria. I am a member of lots of mom blogger sites but I rarely and I mean RARELY read them. Not because I don’t like to read, but because I am frugal and I like to save. It takes me time and energy to search for the best deals out there for my family and that is what I do when it concerns blogging. You constantly interrupt me with your thoughts, woman! I cannot go on my way and scour twitter and fb in peace with you out here in the blogosphere. Your posts are thought-provoking, challenging and they force me to think. Really think. And, think again. I read and wonder if I agree or don’t and then write back. Or sometimes I’ll just laugh, smile, nod, etc. I disagree sometimes. And, (notice I won’t say “but”) I LIKE that. That’s what makes me want to stop. And I rarely ever do. Think about it, when I can read all I need to in a few characters on a tweet, why stop to actually look? Your posts are the little red dress in the windows of my shopping mall. And, I am broke lol I’m sorry for whomever really is offended by what you write. Not because they are upset by it, but because they don’t or can’t stop to take the opportunity to look through the glass that reflects a strong person (meaning them as well as you). For if they were strong they would be able to disagree and value your honesty. Isn’t that part of our human existence? To duke it out and become closer as we find a deeper understanding of one another in this lifetime?Lastly, I am not sorry that you are or aren’t sorry. If anyone doesn’t like it…they don’t have to read.

    • Desiree, it is this kind of honest exchange that fuels my desire to be be raw and outspoken in my posts. I am deeply flattered that you and other readers take valuable time out of your schedules to read my posts. Believe me, I completely understand just how valuable that time is as I am sitting here, way past my bedtime, pouring myself into this labor of love for me. The truth is that I have never been sorry for being offensive, especially if others are offended by the truth. Through the years I have been told that this is a character flaw of which I am not convinced. You see, this “flaw” has gotten me through a life that hasn’t always been easy nor has it been forgiving.Thank you for looking “through the glass” and reading between the lines. As long as you all are there to read, I will be there to write. Actually, I would still be writing even if nobody was reading and that is the God-honest truth.

    • First, I love your new look!

      Second, I agree wholeheartedly with Desiree – your posts are thought provoking, real (without being cruel) and well written. I love that I can disagree with you and have a discussion and come back the next day and agree completely with what you are saying.

      It is a rare few bloggers that can write about their personal lives, but in such a way that truisms are discussed that affect others too -not just a journal of your life, but a platform for thought and provocative discussion with people from a wide range of backgrounds.

      LOVE your stuff and if you do or have offended someone, well then it must mean you hit on something truly worth discussing.

      • Daria, I’m so glad that you like the new look! I actually signed up last year to get a free blog design and I have been on the waiting list for almost a year. After installing this current look, I received an email stating that my blog design is coming up in April. Now I’m torn between really liking this new theme and having my blog custom designed with all of the bells, whistles, and elements that I need. What do you think I should do?

        I really appreciate your compliments and I am very flattered. I’ve greatly enjoyed your friendship and the fresh and authentic point of view that you have brought to many discussions here.

        I actually have not offended anyone that I know of. However, the whole incident on Stephanie’s blog made me reflect on how I would feel and react should this ever happen…

        • I would get the bells and whistles because you can always then decide if you like this one better or not and switch between the two themes. Or pick and choose elements and customize something in between. I would go for it!

          • You are so right! I can always keep this one and just have the other one designed with all of the specific needs that I have for my blog. Thanks so much for the great input!

          • I agree…might as well take the free help and go all out! You can always switch back if you’re not happy. More than likely you will LOVE it though! 😉

          • Chantilly, you and Daria are right. I am so going to take advantage of the free blog design. It is actually a great deal. They design your entire blog and you just make a donation to them via paypal of whatever amount you see fit. Not entirely free but, considering how expensive blog design could be, it is definitely a great deal.

  3. Anonymous says

    Good God–I hope I’ve offended someone;). I think you nailed it w the fact that many ppl can’t handle the truth. And the truth can be a bitter bitch to swallow. Let’s see…brutally honest posts abt parents who don’t like the word ‘no,’ dealing w assholes, including your part in the relationship, and anxiety as a choice. I’m sure there are others, but in the end, I don’t set out to offend anyone. I aim to provide a fresh and experienced voice to issues we all face.I don’t advertise my blog during psychotherapy sessions. It’s their time, and I’m not going to self-promote, nor do I want them reading, necessarily. I agree, if feels a bit intrusive.Wonderful topic, Maria!

    • Linda, you are right, the truth can be an extremely bitter pill to swallow. It’s a good thing that you don’t promote your blog during your psychotherapy sessions. You might end up with an audience that would be even more sensitive to your post topics. Plus, that’s all you need to end up being scrutinized and psychoanalyzed by your own patients. 🙂

  4. You know, I’ve reached the point where I assume that every thought I express in whatever form of writing (electronic or not) is public. And if I am comfortable with owning, I say it, even if it may be a *challenge* at some point for me to handle the reaction of others. But, I refuse to be closeted. I will wither unless I can express and be real. But I temper it with realism. And if I can’t face the thought of the emotions others will feel and bring to me, I think really hard about expressing. Because it is never, never private.

    • Pamela, you are absolutely right. Once you put it into written word, it becomes immortalized and, therefore, will never be private again. I think once we make the conscious decision to publish a blog, we are also making the decision to deal with the ramifications of what we say in our posts. It’s true that you have to be mentally prepared for any and all repercussions.

  5. JustaSmalltownMommy says

    Pssst! I’ve awarded you the Stylish Blogger Award! Follow the link below to receive it 🙂

    Much love,
    Small Town Mommy aka Nicki

  6. Lol…I wish I had read this post earlier. I underwent an attack a few weeks back that was led by my family. I felt alone and questioned my post and it’s message. Ultimately I decided to tone it down slightly as not to offend, but I can’t help but feel slightly defeated about it. I can totally appreciate what you’re saying here and I hope that in the future I won’t feel so outnumbered when speaking out on a subject that I feel goes unheard.

  7. I think using your blog as a catharsis just fine, but I do warn my friends if I am working on something they may pop up in. Hopping over from

Speak Your Mind

By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.