Breathing Space


    Today I realized that I have never had my own space.  It happened just when I was sitting down looking through some of my mail in the livingroom.  My husband had just walked into the room and I had just changed the channel on the television to a reality show that I often like to watch.  He immediately frowned but did not ask me to change the channel even though it was obvious that he did not want to watch what I had put on.  At that very moment I began to think about the fact that I have never had my own space to watch whatever I wanted to watch or to do whatever I wanted to do.

    Growing up, I always shared a bedroom with my younger sister since we were both girls out of my parents’ three children.  Even back then, I can recall always having to compromise about when we were going to turn the lights on or off or what we were going to watch on our television.  Sometimes we agreed and things went smoothly and other times we argued and only one of us ended up getting what she wanted.  I remember thinking how wonderful it would have been to have my own room and to not have to worry about making another person happy besides myself.

    In college, I got married for the first time to my High School sweetheart.  Once again, I found myself sharing a space in the form of an apartment with my then husband.  It was difficult to compromise because he was the only child that both of his parents had together and, therefore, was raised by himself and never had to share his bedroom or any of his possessions with anyone else.  He was very selfish with regards to what we watched on television and how we decorated our space as he was used to getting his way in all of these areas.  This was reminiscent to me of having to share my room with my sister all of those years and always having to consider another person when making decisions about my space.

    After my divorce, I found myself living with my Aunt and her three children.  There was definitely no privacy or sense of space there and I had to struggle just to find some quiet time with my own thoughts once in awhile.  Eventually I met, dated, and married my current husband which found me once again in a situation where I had to compromise with another person about what would be taking place within our living space.  As if considering another person’s needs wasn’t enough, after having children it became obvious that I should probably do away with any notion that I ever had about having some personal space for a long, long time.

    As mothers, we love and cherish the roles that we play in the eyes of our spouses and our children.  However, sometimes we lose ourselves and our own needs within these very roles.  I am extremely happy and thankful for my family and my life, however, it would be nice to be able to watch what I want to watch on television sometimes.  This might seem like a trivial request to some but, in the life and times of a Working Mom and wife, these little goals and accomplishments can make or break a day or even a week.  I’m sure that many women who are married with children find themselves wishing for a little space sometimes.

In the interest of mothers everywhere, here are the top 5 things that would give us all a little breathing room:

1.  Being able to go to the bathroom and wipe ourselves without having at least 2 other people come in and out during the process.

2.  Not being blamed by our husbands everytime they lose something and say it’s our fault because we moved it after they put it down.

3.  Being able to actually hold the television remote and put shows on that we want to watch even if they are “chick flicks.”

4.  Not receiving phone calls about how things are falling apart at home without us because we went out to run errands or to meet friends.

5.  Being able to sleep in bed without hearing a snoring bear whenever we close our eyes.

Now that is not too much to ask, is it?

© 2011, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. I know exactly what you mean. I’m the oldest of 4 and when my sister was born, I was 6 so I really don’t remember having everything to myself. I’ve been with hubby since 1990 and we have 3 kids so it’s hard to have the house to myself often (youngest goes to pm kindergarten and while she is in school for 2 hours, I’m running errands) So that is why I love my car. I can listen to music, get drive-thru coffee and make a phone call to one of my friends. 🙂 Just a thought.

    • Hi, Lisa. I am so glad to see you here! I can totally relate to what you mean about getting some space in the car. Sometimes, driving home from work with the windows open and the music blasting while I am all by myself is exactly what I need after a stressful day. Lol, I also will sit in the car sometimes just to make a phone call. I’m glad I am not the only one who just needs a little breathing space sometimes. 🙂

  2. Amen! Love your list. Newest follower from blog hop. My friend and I had coffee tonight and we were just talking about losing ourselves. Hope you can drop by my blog and follow back. Have a great day/night!

    • Hi, there. I think that most mothers and wives often have feelings of having lost themselves sometimes. I just came back from your blog and am your newest follower. Thanks for following and passing by.

  3. I totaly agree. I went to the store last night and left Little Man with hubs and I get a phone call “Where are you?” “At the store, what’s up?” “He poo’d in these damn cloth diapers you use and I don’t know what to do” “Change him but I don’t think he poo’d he already did that this morning” “Well are you going to be back soon?” “I don’t know still looking for what we need” “I am calling your mom” (she lives beside us) “Mom’s not home”

    called back “Nevermid I got it he was just tooting” “So did you change him?” “Yes but I put a regular diaper back on cause I don’t know how to use the cloth ones.” “It is just a diaper it snaps or velcros just like a disposable does.”

    Crazy huh?

  4. I know this all too well. There are times I just want to find a cave and LIVE THERE for oh…six months. Just to have time to MYSELF.

    Yes, I was an only child. But it didn’t mean I had absolute privacy. That was thanks to an extremely over bearing grandmother who demanded that I keep my room door open so I could “hear her” calling me (which was constantly).

    These days, I rarely get what I want to watch on TV or on the DVD player. Going to the bathroom and showering are best done during work and school schedules. And naps? HAHAHA!!!!! If I lay down, someone HAS TO bug me for this and that, even with Dad in the room next to me. But when Dad sleeps, NO ONE bothers him.

    • Hi, Missy. I totally agree with you. The kids are so used to Moms always being the ones who take care of everything that they automatically come to us when anything is going on. Sometimes I send them in my husband’s direction so he can lend a hand.

  5. I’m so glad I found your blog through your Monday Mingle because I’m finding that you and I share a very similar POV. I couldn’t agree with you more on this. I would about kill sometimes (not really but you know what I mean) for my own space. Or how about the opportunity to eat – from start to finish – my own meal without some little bird drifting over and eyeing my food as if they hadn’t eaten in days. I wouldn’t mind that one either. 🙂

    • Hi, Lizze. I am so glad that you found me too! You are so right, my children hawk everything that I eat. You would think that they were malnourished the way that they carry on. I’m sure you give in like I do and always end up giving them a little bit of whatever you are eating…

  6. My hubby and son have recently discovered an on-line game that they like to play together. I don’t like that it distracts them from getting anything else done around the house, but I so appreciate that it lets me have the TV all to myself. 🙂

    • Le’Ann, when my guys hijack the big screen TV in the livingroom, I retreat to watch the smaller television in my bedroom because I specifically purchased and installed it in my room to be off limits to male hands. 🙂 I’m glad you are finally getting a little time to yourself!

  7. I would like to give an Amen to #4. Thanks for the post. I’m a new follower. It’s fun to find a witty blogger. Glad I found you! Janae

  8. Following from the bee friendly blog hop. Would love a follow back.


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