Mine, All Mine!


     Lately I have been noticing that my seven year old son, “B”, has been getting closer and closer to my husband.  They have always been very close and had a lot in common but he was still my boy and I still felt important to him.  It seems like now the sun rises and sets on his father.  Obviously, this is a great thing because boys should have a close relationship with their fathers, however, I can’t help but feeling like I am somehow getting kicked to the curb in the process.  Where once I was the one he would come to for everything, I am finding that he is going more and more to my husband and I have to admit that it is making me feel left out.

    They have so many things in common that don’t interest me at all.  The biggest thing that they have in common is their love of sports.  I couldn’t care less about sports aside from wanting my sons to be involved in them for the physical fitness benefits that they provide.  My husband coaches my son’s basketball team and is the assistant coach for his baseball team so they spend a lot of time together engaged in these two activities.  Aside from this, they both love to watch sports on television so you can find both of them watching games together on the weekends or on weekdays.

    Am I a bad person because I don’t want my boys to grow up?  As I am writing this post I am realizing that my problem really has nothing to do with how close my husband and my son are.  My problem is that my baby is growing up so fast and I don’t know what to do about it.  He is going to be eight years old on his next birthday and he doesn’t need me for all of the things that he has needed me for in the last eight years.  Sure, he still needs me to be his mother, to love him, provide for him, and be a good role model to him.  He just doesn’t need me that much for anything else because he is a big boy now and he is more worried about sports, guy things, and his aspirations to be a pro athlete when he grows up.

    I guess that I am starting to become the uncool parent because I am the one who always brings up that it is great that he has dreams of playing pro ball but that he has to go to college to have something to fall back on.  He doesn’t want to hear that so he just nods and proceeds talking to his father about how he can’t wait to be a pro football player and about how he can’t wait to have his father standing on the sidelines cheering him on.  Of course, there is no mention of Mommy being on the sidelines because she doesn’t know anything about football and she couldn’t possibly have anything to contribute to the conversation. 

    In the past, I have had conversations with other mothers of boys who have explained to me that, once they get to be a certain age, boys tend to gravitate towards their fathers.  I haven’t really seen that with my little one but then he is turning five so maybe he is still too young to be worried about sports and other guy things.  I’d be lying if I’m not a little worried about getting kicked to the side for Hubby by both of them.  Why does he get to be the cool one?  I don’t want him to be the cool one.  Don’t judge me, I’m just a loving Mom who doesn’t want her boys to grow up so fast and not need her anymore.

    I’m hoping that this is only a temporary feeling and that I will be able to come more to terms with the fact that my sons are getting older and that they will be needing me in different ways as time goes on.  In the meantime, I will make sure to continue to let Hubby know not to get too comfortable with his newfound fame because those are still my babies.  At the end of the day, he can talk all the sports he wants and coach all the teams he can but those two little guys have been, and always will be, all mine.

© 2011, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. I know exactly how you feel, I hate that my babies are growing up so quickly, and my oldest is only 3. It breaks my heart that times is just going by so fast! My boys also gravitate to their father. He works long days, and the moment he walks in, we could be in the middle of the best thing ever, and they will run right to him!

    • My husband works nights and leaves in the evening to go to work so my boys love spending time with him on the weekends. He really is a fantastic father and I could see why my boys love to be with him. I just wonder how I will continue to fit into the equation as they get older.

  2. What a cutie!! I have 3 boys and 1 girl. The bond between mother and son is like no other! I have a wonderful bond with my 2 year old daughter, but I know we will butt heads sooner or later. The boys may gravitate towards their father for a bit, but they always find their way back to mama! My oldest boys are 21 and 19, they are young men out in the world that I am very proud of. The love that we have will never be broken and I hear that is the same with daughters and fathers. I didn’t get many kisses from the boys once they got to be 11 but after their awkward teen phase (about 16)- they were affectionate once again.

    • Thank you, Charro, he is my firstborn. It is good to hear that they become close to their mothers again as they get older. I was starting to feel that I was going to be permanently kicked to the curb since I am not into guy things or sports.

  3. I think they grow up too fast nowadays. I know you said you don’t think it is the daddy relationship that bugs you, but boys do that. They will be close to dad now, but later they will flip flop again.

    I know just how you feel though. Wish someone somewhere sold grow down pills.

    • Bella, they are growing up WAY too fast these days. I keep telling my boys to enjoy being young but everything in the media and outside in the world tells them to grow up and to just fly by their childhood. If you find anyone who sells grow down pills, let me know. 😉

  4. I can certainly relate to you on this. Though it’s with my youngest girl. She just turned six in November and she is much less independent than just a year ago.

    Though she’s always had this “Miss Independent, let me do it MYSELF” streak in her, suddenly it’s really rearing its head. And it hurts my heart.

    True, I’ve gone through the “first stages” of so-called letting go two other times before her, but being that she’s the “baby” of our house, it makes it a bit harder to see this happening..again.

    But I can assure you, the thoughts, feelings and emotions are temporary. Once you get used to the fact that your “baby” is no longer a baby and is his own person with his own interests and individuality, it gets easier to accept that he is not just your child, but his own unique person.

    No one wants to see their kids grow up. For many reasons. Their youth being lost, making you see your own aging through them (they’re getting older, you’re “getting old”), the not needing mom or dad for every little thing. Why would anyone want their kids to grow up and lose their innocence?

    • Missy, I think you are right, we have to able to adapt to how our relationships with our children change as they get older. I suppose they will always need us but for different reasons…

  5. I am so afraid of the moment that my son decides that I’m just his mom and that isn’t as neat as having a dad. Although I love my husband and know that a good relationship and bond between them is a good thing, I find myself already a bit envious of that relationship. What boy wants to talk to his mom about “boy stuff”?

    • I have to admit that, at times, I am also a little bit envious of their relationship. They share “guy” things that I will never be able to share with them and it really makes me feel left out sometimes.

  6. Maria,
    I don’t know about every family, but in ours, we found that the boys and girls went through phases of who they gravitated to. When my son was a baby, it was me of course, then as a small boy, it was dad. When he got to high school, he and I got very close, and now that he is in college, he is coming back to his father. With the girls, it was the opposite. My oldest daughter and I conflicted alot and so she went towards my husband, but now that she is 23, she’s close to both of us. It was because of this that I am so grateful I was not a single parent trying to go it alone. If I was, I would have definitely looked for a male role model for my kids to draw close to.

    Be sure you read my blog tomorrow (Monday) about letting our kids dream big….regarding your boy wanting to play in the NFL.

    Have a good day!

    • Janis, I agree, I don’t even know what I would do if I had to be both a mother and a father to my boys. I will definitely be checking out your post as it seems that becoming a professional football player is the new big dream around here.

  7. Boys will always love their mamas, I’m finding, even if they relate more to dads after a while. But it is mama who my 5’11” son hugs. I’ll take the hugs.

    And I’m still jealous, too!!!


    • Pamela, it is good to see that I am not crazy and that other mothers are jealous too. I don’t want to share their love with anyone else because they are my babies. You are right, I will take the hugs any day as long as they are coming my way.

  8. hi there
    i’m following you on your blog hop. I also saw you on another blog.. so i thought i would hop over. please follow me back… great blog… laura

    • Hi, Laura. It’s nice to meet you. I will definitely be checking out and following all the blogs that participate in Monday Mingle as I do every single week. Just give me a few days to catch up with everyone. 🙂

  9. Oh dear Maria, your boys will ALWAYS have a special place in their heart for mama no matter how close they get with dad.

    With my 7 year old, the sun rises and sets on his dad and it has since the day he was born. I have moments where it is hard for me to handle because darnit! I’m the one doing all the *hard work*. I have often expressed this feeling to friends and my son’s dad. Everyone tells me boys LOVE their mama’s.

    This was such a common response that I started to seek out the moments and the differences that my son and I had from what he and his dad had and I’ll tell you what! That boy NEEDS his mama. I guarantee that if you begin to recognize the special moments, the looks, the kisses and extra hugs that you share with your boy that some of the feelings you have will begin to diminish because what you have with him is incredible and no one, not even dad, can take that from you. 🙂

    • Jill, I am so glad that you chimed in with your experience too since you only have boys like I do. It is great to know that I will always have a special bond with both of my boys that not even their cool and athletic Dad can take away. 🙂

  10. Hello Maria . . .

    I think that children go through phases . . . sorry you are feeling bad. (((HUGS)))

    Ditto what everyone else has said . . . dad is going to be the role model as the boys become men, but they will always have an extra special place in their heart for mama.

    Thank God they have a positive role model . . .

    Hope you feel better . . . Gina


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