Tonight, I had the first ever conversation about sex with my seven year old son. I’m not sure that you could even call it a conversation since it was mostly one sided with me doing most of the talking stuttering and blurting out some partly incoherent explanations. You would think that I would know how to talk about sex with my own son. After all, I have worked with hormonal teenagers for over the past ten years and am not really intimidated by anything at this point. I can tell you, though, it is a totally different ballgame when you are talking to your own baby about such a serious topic.
What prompted me to have this conversation with him, you ask? The truth is that television these days throws the word “sex” around on practically every show. Lately, I have noticed that even some our favorite sitcoms use the word from time to time. It bothered me that he would hear the word often and possibly come to his own incorrect conclusions about its meaning. Also, now don’t judge me, I love to watch the show “16 and Pregnant” on MTV and he sometimes passes by the television while I am watching this show about teenagers facing the prospect of becoming parents. More often than not, I will make a quick comment to him like, “The only thing you need to worry about is going to school and getting an education and not about girls.” He just looks at me and grimaces because he still thinks that “Girls are yucky.” However, I know better and I am aware that kids younger and younger are becoming sexually active these days.
I discussed all of my concerns with Hubby and he told me that it is better for him to learn about these kinds of things from us first instead of learning the wrong things from his peers. We have always agreed to be honest with our boys and to have open communication about all topics, no matter how uncomfortable they might be to discuss. Both of our parents were very open with us about sex and we realize that it is important for children to be able to talk to their parents about anything and to know that no topic is considered taboo. I’m sure that those of you who are more conservative disagree with this parenting philosophy but I hope you will respect my right to parent liberally just as I respect your right to parent conservatively.
You all are probably on the edges of your seats eager with the anticipation of knowing exactly how my conversation with my son actually went down. I won’t make you wait any longer. The following is a transcript of the “sex” talk that I had with my seven year old son:
Tough Cookie Mommy: “Honey, I know that you have been hearing the word “Sex” here and there sometimes when we watch television…”
Tough Cookie Son: “Mommy, I don’t even know what that word means.”
Tough Cookie Mommy: “Well, sex is something that married people who love each other and are in their forties do together.”
Tough Cookie Son: “Huh?”
Tough Cookie Mommy: “But you don’t have to worry about that until after college because you are not allowed to have sex or have kids until after college.”
Tough Cookie Son: “Okay, Mommy…”
Tough Cookie Mommy: “Oh, and by the way, you better not bring any pregnant girls home either.”
Tough Cookie Son: “Yes, Mommy.”
Tough Cookie Mommy: “All you have to do is go to school, study hard, and keep your “stuff” in your pants.”
Tough Cookie Son: “I know, Mommy. You always tell me that when you are watching that show that you like…”
That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the extent of my first conversation about this topic with my son. The entire time that I was talking to him he had a huge smile on his face. I’m not sure if it’s because he thinks I am crazy or because the topic makes him feel uncomfortable. In any case, I think I did a great job without getting too graphic and keeping it age appropriate. What do you guys think?
© 2010, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.
Absolutely PERFECT! Not quite as good as my first talk with my daughter when I told her if she had sex her arms and legs would rot and fall off but close. Now no more worries until he gets to the age my daughter was when she asked me how come MY arms and legs hadn’t rotted and fallen off since I obviously had sex since she was my daughter. Ugh.
Obviously they don’t do that when you’re married! Dur!
Good job! Love it!
Donna, that is hysterical that she asked you that! I would love to hear how you talked your way out of that one…
haha, that conversation is too cute! ahhh the dreaded sex talk, always something we’re all learning how to approach. my hubbi is making me tell our kids since they’re girls =)
Vivian, it really is a dreaded conversation. However, it’s better that they learn this stuff from us than from their friends at school. God knows what their friends would tell them about it…
That is cute and funny. I’m surprised he knew what you meant about keeping the stuff in his pants. hahaaha.
And to Donna, I can’t believe you told your daughter that her arms and legs would rot and fall off. That is frickin’ hilarious!
/s
I think I have been telling him that since he was old enough to talk. Actually, I probably began telling him that since before he could talk. I am dying to know what Donna’s response was when her daughter questioned her…
Oh goodness! I’m laughing my behind off… too cute. Luckily my kids are still good with “Oh look Dora!” But I know my mom started talking about sex with us as elementary school kids, so that it was a comfortable topic and we all knew that it was an ‘open door’ policy on those kinds of topics.
LOL! This reminds me of my boss, whose son came home in tears 1 day because he overheard that you have sex in high school and have to work at McDonalds for the rest of your life. He was about 6 or 7 and didn’t want to work at McDonalds!
Thank you for your speedy reply to my giveaway email. I’m planning to have another giveaway in a couple weeks (with a prize everyone should be able to enjoy!)
🙂
I am DYING at the fact that you told your son that you have to be in your 40s, in addition to being married and in love! Lamb’s mention of sex in HS meaning you have to work at McDonald’s is a pretty close second. I think what you’re doing is smart. It’s much better to periodically reinforce your message My parents never sat me down for the sex talk. They’d just make loooong comments about it whenever something came on television, but it wasn’t actually directed towards me. LOL
(By the way, I think Donna’s response to her daughter was that marriage prevents the arms and legs from rotting and falling off. Quite ingenious!)
Lol – does the “stuff” in his pants include the coins, gum wrappers, and assorted odds and ends that can be found in my 6 year old sons’ pants? 🙂
I think any conversation where you broach issues and open the door for questions later is a good one. Kudos on starting the discussion. 🙂
Lol, Daria. I’m pretty sure he got the gist of what I meant by “stuff.” I have been saying this to him for a long time already so he definitely knows what it means. That is exactly what I was trying to do, just broach the subject and leave that door of discussion open for what will hopefully be WAY LATER.
I’m guilty of liking 16 and pregnant too. It’s like a trainwreck. We don’t have cable so I only see it when I’m at the gym, or my parents house.
I don’t even know how I will talk about S.E.X. with The Boy. The thought frightens me.
That is one of my “guilty pleasure” shows. After working all day, I love watching shows that don’t require me to waste any brain juice to watch…
So I giggled!
I am going to be repeating your definition to my 7year old … sex is something that married people who love each other and are in their forties do together! LOVE it
genius
Hi, Gayle. I was just trying to think of the most unattractive thing that I could say about sex and that is all I could think of. I’m glad I put a smile on your face.
This made me laugh… sorry. I totally agree that you did the right thing. I don’t think kids are ever to young to learn about sex- in an age appropriate manner of course. You know they hear about it on TV and at school. It’s important to get the facts straight early on rather than trying to change their minds from what they hear that may not be right. I also plan to be completely open with my son about everything. I want him to be able to come to me for any problems or questions he might have.
That all being said, I also got the sex talk when I was 7. I grew up on a farm and seen the animals… well ya know! So my mom had to sit us down and explain to us (my sister and I) what sex was. She GOT the chalk board out and DREW pictures! UGH! I thought I was going to die! LOL! But she had to explain what that was coming out of the cow! TMI! So sorry! Anywho, she explained it was something people only did when they were married and trying to make babies! I somehow turned out fine still…… hee hee! I like your talke WAY better though!
Jennifer, I can’t imagine the discomfort that your mother went through having to draw those pictures for you guys. My husband told me that I turned every shade of red when I was talking to my son and I believed him because it was not easy. I can’t imagine what the real talk will be like, hopefully many years from now. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with me.
Love it! LOL That’s great! My three year old daughter asked me last week “so when I was a small baby i was in your belly” I said yes she said “so how did i get out of there?!!!! I was like Uhm, Uhm…. (cricket, cricket) Oh look Sid the Science Kid is on.. LOL
Ha, ha! Don’t worry, our kids have a way of catching us out there like a deer in headlights with their curious little questions. You can only dodge the question for so long, lol.
I LOVE this. Your son sounds like a smart boy that catches on to his mother’s hijinks quickly :O)
Hi, Veronica. He is very smart and he knows his mother really well. Sometimes, he just smiles at me and humors me because he knows that I am completely crazy! Lol
Oh my gosh – I had to have that conversation with MY 7yo son this year, too! He conveniently chose a time that my husband was out of town…
Isn’t being the mom of a son great?
🙂
Yes, Lori, it is great, albeit a little different sometimes… Lol
Well, first off, I found you completely hysterical, and not in a bad way. I too am completely honest and open with my kids. I’ve always been that way and it’s how my parents were with us. No topic is taboo and there’s nothing my mom didn’t know, and that’s because we told her!
As for your talk, yes, you gave great advice and you kept it age appropriate. I do think you have some very wishful thinking going on there though. Until after college, huh? Good luck with that one! LOL
All in all, it’s good that you are taking the approach you are taking. I started teaching my kids when they were very young too. I mixed that with having them always pay the consequences for their actions. By educating them and having them learn there are consequences to actions and decisions, they became responsible. And that’s why I’m not a grandma yet and don’t plan to be for a while!
Lol, that is exactly what I’m aiming for, Doreen, not becoming a Grandma for a long time if I can help it!