Uninvited Guest


     I am here to report that I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family!  Everything went smoothly and there were no surprises.  That is, except for one huge surprise, my Mother In Law crashed Thanksgiving dinner.  Yes, I said crashed because she was definitely not invited.  There were a number of reasons for that including the fact that she lives out of state, that we haven’t seen her in over a year, and that she hates me.  I’m not exaggerating, the woman really despises me.  It would stand to reason that she would go out of her way to avoid having to see me, however, she has always done everything within her power to be a troublemaker and to get on my nerves.

    Let me describe the scene to you, everyone was sitting down getting ready to eat the Thanksgiving meal together when my husband received a call from his sister that they were here in New York and they wanted to come over to the house.  I knew this was a recipe for disaster because of our history together but I knew that my husband had not seen his younger siblings in a long time so I agreed.  A short while passed before their arrival and in walked my Mother in Law, my two Sisters in Law, Hubby’s Grandmother, and an elderly family friend.  This added up to a grand total of 5 people that I had not anticipated would be coming to eat. 

    True to her rude ways, my MIL refused to enter the livingroom and, instead, stood in the doorway of my house and proceeded to make the rest of my guests feel very uncomfortable.  I offered all of them a plate of food and they all refused since they had apparently gone to eat with friends before coming to my house.  This made my guests feel even more uncomfortable because they felt awkward eating while my MIL and her party watched them.  The tension got to be so thick that some of my family members took their plates to the kitchen to get away from the situation and enjoy their food.  

    The MIL then proceeded to take pictures of my children whom I had to coax to go over and take photos with their Grandmother because they hadn’t seen her in years and had to be reminded of who she was as they did not recognize her.  This went on for a few hours until she promptly announced that she had to go because she was headed to visit yet another family member in another part of New York.  I’m pretty sure that my sigh of relief at her leaving was still audible by everyone despite my best efforts at stifling how happy I was to see her go.  Unfortunately, my joy was short lived because we received a phone call a couple of hours after her departure that would permanently put a damper on our evening…

    As it turns out, the MIL decided to drive to a famous bakery to get a cake before heading out to see the next family member.  Although this bakery makes some of the best cakes around, it is located in a seedy part of town where there are a lot of industrial buildings.  It is in this neighborhood where my MIL’s car stalled in the dark on Thanksgiving evening.  Instead of calling us right away to tell us that she was stranded, she called a friend and sat in the car waiting for him to come rescue her for two hours.  I must be a glutton for punishment because I knew that they had been having car trouble earlier in the day because she had commented on it at my house so something told me to have Hubby call to find out if they had arrived at their destination.  This is when we found out that they were stranded in the car.

    I packed up the car with the kids and drove my husband over to where they were to give them a boost.  My husband had a couple of drinks that evening so I did not want him driving.  As soon as we got there, I ushered the two elderly ladies and Hubby’s teenage sisters into my car so that they could warm up under the heater.  They were practically frost bitten and I had to drive them to a Laundromat nearby so they could use the bathroom after sitting in the cold car for the past two hours.  This is the part of the story where things got a little hairy.  You see, my MIL did not want to come back and stay in my house because she knows how she has treated me in the past.  That was her guilty conscience because I had every intention of inviting all of them back to my house to spend the night but she insisted that she was going to stand in front of her friend’s building until he and his wife came back and let them stay over.

    At this point, I had had enough so I told her that I didn’t care if she didn’t like me but we were driving back to my house because my children were not going to sit in a car on Thanksgiving night while she waited for her friend.  She finally gave in and we brought all of them back to the house where I fixed everyone some tea.  She just sat in a chair in the corner of my livingroom waiting to receive the phone call from her friends telling her that they had finally gotten home.  I was courteous and hospitable throughout this whole fiasco and I am really proud of myself.  Despite her best efforts to ruin our Thanksgiving holiday, she did not succeed.  The better part of my day was spent with my loved ones and I had a great time. 

    I must have done a good job as a hostess because my 12 year old Sister in Law told me that she was glad that I married her brother because I’m a great person.  She seemed surprised when she told me this and I asked her why she was so surprised that I was so great.  Her response was, “Well, you know Mom doesn’t like you because she says you are, how should I say?  She says you are bad…”  I guess I can’t be that bad if I drove, in the rain to rescue this woman despite the fact that she has never treated me with any respect or consideration.  I must not be that bad if I still welcome her into my home and I still acknowledge her existence.  What do you guys think?

© 2010, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. you were very gracious and i am proud of you! MIL’s suck. *cough* i’m not saying that from experience, just in general, you know… 😉

    • Thank you, Kim. I have to tell you, it nearly took all of my self control to keep from losing it and telling her off. All I kept thinking about was maintaining my cool for the sake of my guests and my family. Unfortunately, I have to agree with you, my MIL experiences have sucked.

  2. I commend you on your behavior. That sucks. And you were way more gracious then you had to be. I think your MIL has a LOT to be thankful for this year, especially you.

    • Thanks, Resa. It’s funny you say that because I told my husband that she should spend more time remembering the nice things that I have done for her over the years instead of coming up with reasons to hate me for taking her son away.

  3. Why do older generations need to be so damn stubborn? I think you are wonderful for going to get her ass and you’re not bad. Tough shit she don’t like that you have her son! You’re one hell of a woman!!!!:)

    • Thanks, Vic. It is frustrating that some older generations are stubborn and set in their ways. I agree with you that she was lucky that I went to get her. I’m not sure that she would have done the same for me if I had gotten stranded in my car somewhere…

  4. number one reason i don’t let my family know where i live… jeez…

    • Lol, Eschelle. Believe me, I have seriously considered not letting her know anything about us. However, since she has young daughters, that my husband is extremely close to, I try to keep the peace as much as possible.

  5. New Follower from relax & Surf Sundays!

  6. Wow, what a story! My MIL died the year before I married DH from cancer, so I have never had these issues. I have other relative issues, but nothing like your story to tell.

    Glad you are such a nice person and your SIL sees it!

    I’m following you now!

    • Hi, Kelly. I’m glad you took the time out to pass by and follow. Yeah, I know my husband loves his sisters so I put up with the old Battle Axe just to make sure that he is not cut off from his siblings. I wish I didn’t have this kind of story to tell because family is very important to me and I would love to have everyone happy and getting along.

  7. Wow what an evening you had! But you my friend, handled it with grace and love despite the attitude your MIL was giving you and how she treated you. This shows you are a woman with a bigger heart and I bet that embarrassed her but how your little sister inlaw reacts was just wonderful. Bless your heart, Maria!

    • Thank you, Maureen. Your kind words always warm my heart. I was glad that my Sister in Law was able to form her own opinions about me from seeing the kind of person that I am instead of listening to her mother’s criticism of me. You are right, my MIL is probably embarrassed by a lot of the ways that she has treated me and that is why she couldn’t see herself staying in my house. At the end of the day, I know that I have always treated her nicely even though she hasn’t done the same for me.

  8. Your MIL gives me the pits. I just can’t understand why she can’t see how great a person you are. Seriously, she should put her negativity to the side, if only for the sake of her son and grandchildren.

    • Eleana, I don’t know what else I could possibly do to demonstrate to her that I am indeed a good woman. I’m not sure that anything that I ever do will make a difference because she is one of those mothers that just couldn’t stand the thought of her son growing up and moving on so she will never get over that. Luckily, I have a good husband who supports me and stands up to his mother when she doesn’t respect me. If he didn’t, that would just be the icing on the cake!

  9. Ugh. I know all too well about inlaws that suck. Keep rising above…as tough as it is!

  10. Wow, what a Thanksgiving. And I thought I had it rough because I had to go to 2 different houses. It just goes to show that everyone has a story.

    Stay strong girl.

    New Follower from the blog hop. http://www.athomemoma.com

    • I was supposed to go to two different houses because we had plans to go to my Father in Law’s house in the evening. (They are not together and he is remarried) Unfortunately, we never made it because we were too busy saving her.

  11. Hi! OMG, I think you must have the same mother in law as I do. 🙂 In fact after a year and a half of talking and trying we just stopped talking to her. She is mental. It is so hard not to have them like you. I know every guy I dated before Hub’s parents especially their mom’s. Ugh! Sorry, in the end you will come out smelling like a rose and she will smell like……well you get the picture.

    BTW:Welcome to Relax & Surf Sunday, with your hostesses The Life of Rylie…and Bryce too! and Shibley Smiles! This is a great blog hop for everyone to make new friends! You can find some new blogs to check out, and also get your blog out there and gain some new followers.

    Here are the rules…

    Wait, there are no rules! That is the whole point behind “Relax & Surf”. We just want you to relax, and surf around as much as you want to. You don’t have to make a post. You don’t have to post our button. You don’t even have to follow us. Of course we hope you like our blogs and will want to follow us, and we WILL follow back! Just add your blog to our linky at the bottom of this post, and visit as many blogs as you would like to. If you decide to follow a new blog, make sure you leave them a comment so they will know you are following them.

    Each week we will randomly select one blog from the previous week’s entries to be our featured blog for that week. If that blog happens to be yours, you will get a cute little button to display on your blog, and you will also get the #3 spot for that week!

  12. Well done on not being rude…..I owuld not have been able to help myself. Luckily my ML was a lovely person….unfortunately my Mother is turning into the MIL from hell for poor old Hubby. Enjoyed your post and your blog. I am your latest follower from the surf and relax sunday hop. Look forward to reading more.
    Carol from http://www.facing50withhumour.blogspot.com

    • Thank you, Carol. It must be hard to see your own mother putting your husband through that. I wish in laws would realize how much damage they do when they meddle and instigate problems in the family. It affects everyone and nobody benefits from it.

  13. Hmmm. That’s quite the family situation. You did the absolute best you could under what sounds like very difficult circumstances. Well done.

    • Allison, they were difficult circumstances but I knew that it was really important that I keep it together because, if I hadn’t, she would have gotten her way and the holiday would have been ruined.

  14. Hi! I am a new follower from the weekend’s blog hop. I am looking forward to reading more of your blog. Blessings…
    Saved By Love Creations

  15. I think you are fabulous….your MIL has some issue that she is too proud to overcome! She realizes how awful she is when you show her nothing but grace, hospitality and kindness…

    You are awesome, mama!

  16. I am your newest follower! Stop by soon and follow back!!


  17. I’m your newest follower from the Sunday Blog Hops! Come check out my blog at: http://adventuresofathriftymommy.blogspot.com/

    Have a great day!

  18. Thanks for stopping by The Thrifty Military Wife blog & following me. I am your newest follower!


  19. Thank you so much for stopping by and becoming a follower of my blog. I am now following you and look forward to reading more of you posts. Come back on wednesday and join in on my Weird Me Wednesday Blog Hop

  20. I am a new follower and loved reading your story. I too have issues with the MIL but I know that as bad as things could be with her she raised a beautiful son which is why I loved your little note you added! Thanks for sharing, I look forwarding to continuing to read and catch up on past posts. Hope you can come visit me! http://loveiseverywhere.blogspot.com/

    Peace & Love
    PS – You sound like a WONDERFUL Daughter-in-Law! 🙂

    • Hi, Katie. That is the only thing that I give her credit for, that she raised an amazing son. I truly have the best husband ever. Maybe that is why I’m still putting up with her after all these years. Thank you for following.

  21. Hi,

    I couldn’t imagine having twins at 43. Im still in shock that I have twns. I plan to stay that way until their 18. lol

    I had to read this post to my hubby. First of all who comes to someone home on Thanksgiving day and not eat a little something. She should have stayed in the car. She let herself be miserable and showed the truth to your hubby younger siblings. WTG apporaching her the way you did and not letting her ruin Thanksgiving for your family. Atleast it makes a interesting memory for the future.

    Thanks for coming by and being part of Pacifiers, Pumps & The World Weekend Blog Hop. I’m following you back.

    • Hi, Raven. That is exactly how I felt, she should have stayed in the car and been miserable by herself. At least my husband got to see his siblings and his Grandmother and, you are right, she did not succeed in ruining the holiday for the rest of us. The saying really is true that “misery loves company.”

  22. WOW! I certainly know the feeling of someone that hates you yet does EVERYTHING in their power to insert themselves into your life. You took the high road though and that is awesome.

    Sorry your Thanksgiving turned out the way it did but I think you get extra brownie points for anyone who is keeping track. 🙂

    • Jill, boy does she hate me and do everything in her power to bust my chops. At this point in my life, I am so above her drama that I barely get affected by her nonsense anymore. It is unfortunate that she pulls her young daughters and other family members into her web of problems.

  23. Uggghhh…I’ve got one of those and am soooo lucky she’s across the country. I just keep thinking, there must have been a reason my husband moved so far away from his mom!
    New follower…found you on the Weekend Wander. Check me out.

    • Kari, mine lives across the country too in South Carolina. However, she still manages to pop in from time to time to make me crazy. I hope my sons never feel like they have to move far away from me because they can’t deal with me. That is really sad.

  24. I’m now following you through The Fun Weekend Blog Hop. I hope you’ll do the same! You can find me @ http://sofiasideas.com/

    Sofia’s Ideas

  25. I wasn’t even there and your post gave me high blood pressure LOL. You’re way more patient than I am. (for lack of a better word). Soo glad my in-laws live 8000 miles from us… pretty sure I’ll have some stories to tell later though. They’ll be visiting us this coming summer so they can meet the new baby. Last time they were here they stayed a month. :/

    • Monica, her being here gave me high blood pressure but I had to contain myself because that would have just made me look badly just like her. I wanted everyone to have a happy Thanksgiving and I did not want the whole day to become about her and her craziness. Luckily, I survived without hurting the woman.

  26. Heavenly Savings says

    Wow! What a suprise!

    Cute Blog! I follow you! Happy Sunday!! I would love for you to stop and take a look at my blog as well! Thanks!

  27. I think you’re a better person than I am. Yep.

    New follower so umm, hi! 🙂

    • Hi, Donna. Believe me, it has taken a lot of years and a tremendous amount of patience to deal with her over the years. I am normally a very no nonsense, low tolerance for B.S. kind of person but, I have realized over the years, that nothing is ever going to get through to her and she is not even worth me stressing myself out. Thanks for following. I am so glad you passed by…

  28. you handled it w a lot of class & better than i would have handled it. i would have went off on someone & it wouldn’t have been pretty lol

    • Hi, Ciara. Believe me, I normally would go off but I have already realized that, with this woman, going off only gives her what she wants. I have decided to change my strategy and to kill her with kindness so that she is the one who ends up looking bad.

  29. GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLL! You officially get a SAINT Badge on your sash. That is horrible. But you rose above and for that I have nothing but respect for you!

    Good for you- and your kids because you are setting an execellent example.

    Your hubby is very fortunate…



    • Ro, you have no idea how livid I was. I just kept thinking about keeping everyone happy and maintaining the spirit of the holiday. Believe me, in my mind it played out much differently and it included my foot where the sun didn’t shine on her. Lol Big hugs right back at ya!

  30. Your are truly a saint my friend! My husband’s mother had passed away before I met her but I felt like I knew her because her ashes were in my kitchen cupboard for 7 years! Families-in-law are strange aren’t they…we kindof inherit them!!!! Your graciousness won’t go unnoticed at the pearly gates!!! Visiting from Blog Frog!

  31. Wow! I’m reading this late, but I am so impressed with your poise. Dealing with difficult people is already quite a strain, but more so when 1) they are family and 2) it’s a holiday or other special day when you want to relax and enjoy! I think you showing your MIL kindness despite her evil ways is the best revenge. She wants nothing more than to point to some ‘bad behavior” on your part, so she can justify her dislike of you to everyone.

    More importantly, however, is the example you set for your children. They will learn how to conduct themselves with composure and class in the face of difficult circumstances by watching you. Your MIL is completely irrelevant here; you and your family are what’s important. Well done! (And hang in there!)

    • Chela, that is exactly why I worked really hard to maintain my composure. I knew that behaving badly back towards her would only make me seem like the bad guy and deflect attention away from her rude and mean behavior. In the end, that is exactly what happened, she looked terrible in the eyes of everyone present and I looked like a saint.


  1. Maria says:

    NEW POST MIL crashed Thanksgiving dinner RT @toughcookiemom: Uninvited Guest http://bit.ly/i1DC4w

  2. Maria says:

    NEW POST MIL crashed Thanksgiving dinner RT @toughcookiemom: Uninvited Guest http://bit.ly/i1DC4w
    #blogchat #latinabloggers #soconnected

  3. Maria says:

    @BizNetCentral My holidays were wonderful except I had an uninvited guest. Read all about it here, http://bit.ly/i1DC4w Thank you for asking

  4. Maria says:

    NEW POST MIL crashed Thanksgiving dinner RT @toughcookiemom: Uninvited Guest http://bit.ly/i1DC4w #blogchat #latinabloggers

  5. […] shenanigans.  In case you just recently started following, you can read about the wonderful Thanksgiving visit that she bestowed upon us last year.  You see, she has a way of turning any joyous occasion into […]

Speak Your Mind

By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.