Deadbeat Dads

    Recently, I was having a conversation with my sister and we were discussing the subject of Halloween and purchasing costumes for the kids to go trick or treating.  It actually came up when I asked her if she had decided costumes she was going to purchase for my nephews.  She proceeded to tell me that she really had not thought about it because, as a single parent, she had more pressing decisions to make regarding what she was going to be spending money on in the upcoming weeks.  On one hand, I understand that she has to prioritize her bills and finances due to the fact that she is the one who assumes sole responsibility for her two sons.  On the other hand, it makes me sad that she even has to make those kind of decisions since she has been put in a position, by their father, where she is the only one who supports these children and tends to all of their needs.

    Unfortunately, I know way too many women who have been put in exactly this kind of predicament.  They entered relationships with men whom they thought to be good candidates for fatherhood that eventually just turned into a big disappointment in the form of a Deadbeat Dad.  It seems that we live in a society where it is very easy for men to abandon their responsibilities as fathers at a moment’s notice.  I am fully aware that there are some mothers who also abandon their children, in all fairness to men.  However, overwhelmingly, it is men who are leaving their partners high and dry in the area of raising children and providing child support.

    Why are men able to walk away from their children and not concern themselves with how these children are being provided for and supported?  Some would argue that women have that maternal instinct that makes them care more for their children and their financial welfare.  Frankly, I think this is mullarkey!  I am one of the lucky ones who is raising my children with my husband, and their father, by my side.  Although I do have a special bond with my children, since I am their mother, I can tell you that my husband also loves them to the end of the earth.  To say that men are incapable of loving their children on that level is simply not true and it provides these Deadbeat Dads with an excuse for their unacceptable and irresponsible behavior.

    I think society makes it too easy for men to walk away from their responsibilities.  Even with stricter child support laws, too many of them are evading prosecution by working off the books or simply not working at all.  Others send a pittance every week or month that barely covers the cost of groceries or other life sustaining necessities.  Sometimes, taxpayers pick up the slack for their behavior and other times the mothers of these children work multiple jobs to earn the difference that they are not receiving from these fathers.  As a result, these women don’t get to spend enough time with their children and constantly worry about how they will continue to provide for them.

    As the mother of two sons, I can tell you that the mothers of these men also have a lot to do with the fact that they don’t accept responsibility for their children.  I’ll be damned if my sons ever have children that they don’t assume responsibility for financially and otherwise.  You have to teach boys, from a young age, what it means to be a man.  A real MAN, in every sense of the word, takes care of his children and his family.  Something is lacking in the way these men are being raised that makes them think that it is okay to walk away from their obligations.  We cannot undo the mistakes of the past but maybe we can lay the foundation for future generations of fathers to step up to the plate and truly father their children.  After all, being a father lays not only in creating a child but also in raising, nurturing, supporting, and loving that child.  Of course, all of the real fathers out there already know this…

© 2009, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.


  1. I think society makes it too easy for men to walk away from their responsibilities.


  2. I agree with you. Maybe if there were consequences imposed, these guys would think twice before turning their back on their responsibilities.

  3. Hi,
    Congrats on your great blog site!
    It is very engaging…
    Raising our children takes love, sacrifice, patience and a lot of work!
    Oh…and I never forget to lean on God!
    You are doing a wonderful job sharing with others…

    If you feel like some inspiration, positive thinking and empowerment..please visit me anytime at
    I just published a new post entitled "20 Minutes To Live"
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    K. Frangeskos at
    Jesus Knows You Best

  4. Thank you so much, K. Frangeskos! Although I am not an overly religious person, I do have a personal relationship with God and I can tell you that he is a part of everything in my life. He has blessed my family and I immensely. I am really glad that you are enjoying my blog. Feel free to come back anytime.

  5. Great post. Since I grew up with a single mom I am sad to say I know too much about this subject. My dad got away with paying $32 a week or every two weeks of child support. He had a job at GM that he still has 34 years later.. He's always made a nice amount of money but I never seen much of it. There were no Xmas presents or cards or anything else. As a matter of fact, not long after I was born he hooked up w/ a woman who had 2 children. They married and he raised them as his own, even sending them to college.

    Me on the other hand? I only wish I could have gotten a college education. I grew up with an abusive step-father who constantly reminded me I wasn't his..who denied he was the father of my brother when I was 17.. finally my mom divorced him but he's gotten away w/ barely paying anything and only every few months.. you know when they have to go to court and they threaten to put him in jail.

    I know society is way too lenient on these men. It's pathetic. But sometimes you have to think that it's actually better for a child to be without someone like that in their life. Hopefully their mother/family will have the motivation to raise them so they don't make the same mistakes and can accept responsibility.

    I am all with you as far as not letting your kids ever NOT accept responsibility for children they create. Along with a lot of other things that decent men need to learn from their family when they're growing up in order to turn into a healthy man.

  6. Monica, your comments mean a lot to me because you shared private details of your life with myself and my readers that truly give us insight into how the children of "Deadbeat Dads" are affected by their actions. My husband has had similar experiences to yours with his biological father and then with a stepfather. As a adults, we sometimes don't realize the long term effects and impact that our actions will have on our children. However, you are so right, sometimes children are better off not having these selfish people in their lives. After all, it would just be one disappointment after another one for them.

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