Yesterday we had a writing celebration in my class. Each one of my students had to get up and read their published personal narratives to the whole group. Little did I know then that the topic of one of their narratives would have an impact on this blog entry. One of my girls proceeded to read her piece which focused on the day her father left her. She described that sad day in vivid detail and even went on to say that he left her, her brother, and their mother for another woman.
Of course, this got my wheels turning about this whole issue of infidelity. Nobody ever wants to talk about it but yet, we all have some kind of a story or personal connection to share that is directly related to this sometimes taboo subject. We know why the cheaters don’t want to talk about it, that is obvious. However, why don’t the rest of us talk about it when we are not at fault?
There are many reasons why men and women alike stray from committed relationships into the arms of others who are willing and able to satisfy their needs. Sometimes, it is because they are trapped in loveless marriages but have too much to lose financially if they sever the marital ties. Other times, they love who they are with but enjoy the thrill of straying even if only for a brief interlude. You also have the purely selfish ones who think it is their God given right to sample all of the entrees in the buffet. Frankly, it all points back to a bunch of selfish and self-centered people who are cowards and don’t have the guts to be honest with their mates.
One of the things that I have always told my husband is that I would rather that he leave me first if he ever got the urge to cheat. I feel that is the least that I deserve for bearing his children and standing faithfully by him for the last eleven years. Luckily, he is a good man and we work hard to maintain a good marriage by dedicating time to our relationship and keeping things spicy. I am pretty confident that he would not cheat on me and would first give me the courtesy of walking away before resorting to that. On the other hand, I am not delusional and I fully understand that people in other good marriages like mine have strayed and that there are no guarantees in life in anything, especially in relationships.
It’s important that we dedicate some time to talk about the people who engage in romantic relationships with married people. What kind of a person can you be if you are unable to find a suitable mate for yourself without breaking up a happy home? I get the whole thing about the thrill of it but, eventually, you have to realize that you are sinking pretty close to the bottom of the barrel. You must not feel very good about yourself if you think that all you deserve is a couple of phone calls that he snuck in between driving his children to Little League and Dance class. You are also definitely worth more than a few, carefully planned rendezvous at the local, flea bitten motel.
The cheaters, and the ones they cheat with, need to take some time away from their delusions of grandeur about how the world revolves around them to think about the children that they hurt in all of this. Adults are resilient and will eventually get over it but what will happen to the kids? These children will grow up and one of them will write an essay in her seventh grade English class about how her father left her on her seventh birthday to go live with his girlfriend. She will go on to tell others how she will never forgive her father because she now only has sad memories on her birthday of a time when he was in her life to love and cherish her. Additionally, she will never fully trust any man because of her father’s sins. Perhaps, we should concern ourselves less with our own selfish carnal and emotional needs and worry more about how our actions affect our loved ones. As the saying goes, “from the mouths of babes…”
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I speak as one who was married to an ingrained cheater! For a long time I was oblivious – then shocked, then shamed, then scared – then LIGHTBULBS!! We woman seem to forget our worth – as women, as mothers, as wives, as friends, sisters,BUT most of all as daughters of God – when we forget, we put up with abuse in all its forms. Good friends support by loving without judgment whether we choose to stay, to go or just survive. Brilliant and Brave is this post – fantastic
Excellent Post. Responsibility seems to have left. The selfish me/I motivation has taken over our society and damaged marriage. A marriage based on love and commitment would sound very different:
What do you think dear?
Your desires, ambitions and needs are more important then mine, you make the decision.
No, no, your desires ambitions and needs are more important then mine so I really want you to make it.
– That's when the fight breaks out. Thats the only fight that would be legitimate in a real marriage.
I have a different way of strengthening and keeping my marriage. I call it Tying Knots.