Did She Really Just Say That?

    Many of you know that this past year, I had to deal with some parents behaving badly in my son’s class due to the presence of “Mom Cliques” and the children that they are raising to think that being mean spirited to others is acceptable.  One particular parent’s son has been especially cruel to my son and to other children not only in class but also during organized sports.  It’s been difficult to avoid it since all of the kids participate in these activities together within our community.

    This past baseball season, my son and this boy ended up on the same baseball team much to my chagrin.  You see, this Momma Bear has had to go up against this mom and son duo before.  His mean antics continued right from the classroom to the baseball field and dugout.  He even went as far as to call some of the boys on the team “fagg&%ts” when they ran out of gum and did not have a piece to give him.  This was no surprise to me because this is the same boy who had called my son a “motherfuc*er” in the third grade and, when I called his mother to discuss it, her response was that “Boys will be boys.”

*Image Credit: www.parentdish.com

    The coach of the team always text messages all of the parents through a mass text to let us know when practices and games will be held.  This means that everyone who is included in the text can see all of the responses that anyone makes on their phones.  This past weekend, due to previous scheduling conflicts, we finally had the chance to host the championship game at our Little League field.

    The night before the game, this particular parent that I mentioned above responded to the coach’s text by asking him what time we had to arrive at the field.  (She has moved over the summer in answer to my prayers so she has to commute back to the Bronx for the games.)  The coach jokingly replied that we all had to be there at 8:15 and that it wasn’t his fault that she had moved from the Bronx to “another country.”  The following is her response to his text:

“…the Bronx is the foreigner state…gonna need a passport to get into it…”

    I was flabbergasted when I saw this text on my phone.  I’m the descendant of “Foreigners” as I’m sure many of you reading this are.  I’m also one of many Latino parents on the team and for her to blatantly make such a discriminatory statement on a group text for all of us to see was shocking.  My immediate reaction was to respond and these are some of the possible responses that went through my mind:

“I thought all of us were foreigners except for Native Americans…”

“Did you forget that all of us can see your texts?  This is very offensive!”

“I see the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, now I know why your son speaks the way he does.”

*Image Credit: www.blogging4jobs.com

    There were so many other thoughts that went through my mind but I chose not to respond.  Unfortunately, I will not be able to take back all of the abuse that my son suffered this year in school at the hands of her son.  Additionally, her son’s behavior makes perfect sense to me now because I understand that this is exactly what he is being taught at home.  He is being taught that it’s okay to put others down and be mean to others because that is how his mother behaves.

    I’m so glad that their family moved and that I never have to deal with this woman and her child again.  I wish I could say that we will never encounter a parent and child team like this one again but I know we probably will.  The only thing I could do is teach my sons that this behavior is unacceptable and that the actions of others define those people and not my boys.  I will continue to use these experiences as teachable moments to arm my children for the unfortunate realities about human character that exist in society.

Let’s Discuss:  How would you have handled the offensive comment made in the text?  Would you have addressed it or let it go like I did?

© 2013, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.

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  • Pam

    Well, usually I am pretty nonaggressive so I would have probably let it go while thinking bad thoughts about her. I mean, obviously she is a jerk so she would probably escalated it if you had responded. However, since she/her son have caused a lot of trouble in the past, I might have went to her in person and said something to her. I did that to one of the moms that my daughter went to school with once. It didn’t really help but I sure felt better! lol

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Pam, it wouldn’t have taken us anywhere because ignorance is bliss in her case. I agree with you that I would have felt great about it though. LOL

  • detroitmommy

    Good thing she moved.. I probably would have given her the evil eye so bad at one of the games that she wouldn’t want to come back.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Lol, Monica. I can’t even begin to tell you all of the things that ran through my mind that I would have liked to do in retaliation but it just wasn’t worth it.

  • Heidi

    I would have gone right up to her and said something to her face!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Heidi, that would have been my usual reaction but I feel that, at this point, she is not even worth it. My son went through a lot at school this year because of this kid and his mom. I already confronted her over the phone and she yelled over me and hung up the phone. She is not someone who knows how to resolve anything through communication.

  • Jennifer Colón Kudyan

    I think you did the right thing. Why waste your time on a person who doesn’t give a damn? She knew everyone could see her text and it was written intentionally. She wanted to stir up trouble because she gets off on it. I’m glad you ignored her. Thank goodness she and her child will no longer be a presence in your lives.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Yes, Jennifer. I’m so glad I won’t have to deal with either one of them anymore. They really were awful to my son this year and I am over them.

  • Misha Estrada

    I feel sorry for her kid, poor thing never had a chance.

  • Tiffany Mitchell

    I think you did the right thing by just ignoring it. People like her NEED someone to pay attention to their antics. She is so miserable with her own life that she has to put down others in order to make herself feel better. I do not understand what has happened to parents that makes them think that they don’t have to raise their children to be respectful to others. There is so much wrong with this generation and when I read stuff like this I’m very thankful for parents like you who actually teach their children to be respectful people. Hopefully you won’t have to deal with anything like this anytime soon!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      I agree with you Tiffany. It’s sad that some people are raising their children to treat others this way but thank goodness other parents are showing their kids the right thing.

  • BohemianBabushka

    If she were within fan reach I would have given her a “friendly” ::BOPASO:: but since she wasn’t I’m sure my Cuban would have come out- to no one in particular, just to the injustice and ignorance of it. You did the right thing, but showing your true feelings of offense to your son would be good to. Sometimes they need to see us vent (in a healthy way) and then see how we resolve our dislike. BB2U

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Thanks for your feedback, BB. I definitely sat down with my son throughout this issue and explained to him that some people just behave badly and that he will unfortunately encounter people like this throughout his life. He understands why her behavior was offensive and why her child behaves badly too.

  • http://www.biculturalmama.com Maria Adcock

    So sorry you had to deal with this bully mom and her son. I agree that it was better to ignore it rather than “take the bait” and engage in a debate where she’s not going to change. Her words say it all for everyone to see so they know how she really is.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      That’s exactly why I didn’t even bother confronting her, Maria. She is not open to change and I have confronted her before to no avail. She is a mean spirited person who is teaching her child that this is the way to behave.

  • Barb W.

    When a person is that clueless to begin with, it generally doesn’t have any effect to confront them other than to escalate problems. I think you did the smart thing by ignoring the text and letting it go. Sad that your son had to be subjected to bullying. It dumbfounds me how many parents think that is acceptable behavior. ((Hugs))

  • Crystal Threeprincesandaprince

    What is really unfortunate is
    that her son is learning her way. If it was said in front of me I’m not sure if
    I would have been able to bite my tongue. I think it would depend if my
    children were around and how I thought she would respond. I want my kid to stand
    up for what is right, but I wouldn’t want to put them in a situation of hearing
    this women go on a rant. Does that make sense? I think you did what was right.
    And if you still have to have dealings with this woman, it sounds like she’ll
    give you another opportunity to tell her where she can stick it! ;)

  • Daisy Tremorev

    I’m glad that they moved, but the poor new people that will have to deal with them. There is no excuse for a child to behave so poorly OR for a mother to behave so awful. I don’t know what I would have done, but I would have been upset.

  • kSquaredGlamour

    i think you made a good choice to not respond but its so unfortunate that her son is being brought up being taught things like this from his parents. its a good thing they moved!

  • http://www.blessedelements.com/create Grace Hodgin

    I’ve always avoided flame wars so I would have just considered the source and gone on. It doesn’t stop it from hurting or causing anger knowing someone does not have any regards for someone’s feelings. No doubt she calls her son names when she is mad at him. Sad

  • Antionette Blake

    Wow, such anger and open willingness to just say anything about anyone seems to be the norm today. I refuse to be drawn into other’s negative drama and teach my sons the same. Sometimes you have to let it go, pray and continue on your path of positivity – like my grandmother used to say, “they are going to bust hell wide open!”

  • Melanie Roberts

    WOW… I have no words… this is crazy… good for you for the willpower to not start anything back, way to go mom…

  • Debbie Freitag-Schuster

    As the saying goes there is no cure for “stupidity”, it comes in all colors, sizes, and shapes. You did the right thing with just biting your tongue since nothing good would have come from it. I am the first one to snap if racial comments are said in front of my children. I do not allow them around “stupidity”. but it is difficult when they have to deal with it at school and you can’t be there.