Don’t Mess With Momma Bear!

Image Credit: tweenbeat.onslow.org

 

    This past weekend, I have seen a side of Mom Cliques that even I wasn’t prepared to accept.  Never, in a million years did I expect that their catty and petty ways would ever be directed at any of my children.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.

    As you all know, this past week I was very sick with the flu and pneumonia.  Saturday morning was the first day that I ventured out to my 9 year old son’s basketball tournament championship.  It turned out to be a wonderful morning since they took first place and we got to witness a beautiful awards ceremony.

    That same afternoon, my son’s were invited to the birthday party of another one of the boys on the basketball team.  Since I was still recuperating from being sick, my Father in Law offered to take the boys to the party.  I was very grateful to him and was happy that the boys would have that quality time to spend with their grandfather.

    Later on that evening, I was notified by another parent that an incident had taken place at the party that involved my 9 year old son.  Apparently, what happened was that all the boys were putting money in the arcade games at the party venue.  One of the arcade games involved shooting balls into basketball hoops.  My son took a shot with the ball that another boy had paid for so the other boy pushed my son.  We will refer to that boy and his mother as Boy A and Mom A.  After Boy A pushed my son, my son pushed him back causing him to fall into Boy B.

    The first thing that happened is that Boy B’s mother, Mom B, walked up to my son, put her finger in his face and threatened him by saying, “Touch my son again…”  I consider that a threat because what was she going to do if my son touched him again, give him flowers?  Obviously she was menacing towards my son and I find that completely unacceptable.  She actually told my son this not once but twice.

Image Credit: blogs.babycenter.com

 

    As all of the mothers were sitting together, Mom A proceeded to start gossiping about me stating “Look at that his mother is not even here.”  At no time did she ask anyone who my son had attended the party with and my Father in Law did not witness what was happening because he was in a different area of the venue with my younger son.  She then went on to say that, “This is why I don’t speak to his mother because she thinks that he does no wrong.”  Mind you, my son was standing right there as they carried on and gossiped about our family in front of him…

    Let me backtrack a little to the one and only other experience or run-in that I have ever had with Mom A.  Her son called my son an Fu**ing Motherfu**er last year and lied to the Principal that my son had cursed at him.  That evening, when I called her to discuss the incident, she admitted that her son had confessed what he had said.  I asked her what she thought about a third grader using that kind of language and her response was, “Boys will be boys.”  I find it ironic that she didn’t prescribe to the whole “Boys will be boys” theory on Saturday when her son shoved my son.

    So, no, I don’t think that my son does no wrong.  However, I know that he doesn’t use the kind of language that her son does and yes, I have taught him to hit back when someone puts their hands on him.  I’m sure some might not agree with that but I live in New York City and I am not going to have my sons bullied or victimized by other kids who have hand problems.  My sons know that they are not allowed to put their hands on anyone else but that they are to protect themselves when someone hits them.

    Fast forward to the present, I confronted both mothers via phone calls last night.  I did not have Mom B’s number so I called her husband who is my son’s assistant coach.  I told him that it was unacceptable that his wife threatened my son and did not, at any time, look for his grandfather to have a conversation with him about what had occurred.  One of my points to him was that we don’t have to be friends but we do have to conduct ourselves like adults, especially in front of the children.

    I left a message on Mom A’s phone telling her that I heard she had some comments to make about me and my family and that I wanted to give her an opportunity to explain herself before I “Flew off the handle.”  She called me back a couple of hours later and was immediately on the defensive because she had gotten caught engaging in bad behavior.  Her response was that her son was upset because my son was wasting his money at the arcade machines.  I asked her why she felt the need to gossip about me when she doesn’t know me and we are not friends.  Her only defense was to bring up the cursing incident that took place last year and say that my son has “hand problems.”

    This was just a ridiculous defense to me.  I asked her, “If my son has hand problems, then why is it that you have never come to me to complain about it?”  I also asked her why she didn’t look for his grandfather instead of getting together with Mom B to accost him without his guardian.  She responded that she thought he was at the party alone and that she felt she didn’t have to look for anyone.  That’s exactly the crux of it, these two mothers took complete advantage of the fact that they thought my son was at this event alone to pounce on him without worrying about his father and I being there to protect him.

Image Credit: www.wellsphere.com

 

    That was just the last straw for me and I told her that she is a gossip with too much free time on her hands who needs to take up some kind of a hobby.  This comment apparently hit a nerve because she asked me to repeat it, which I did and it just made her irate.  I felt like I was witnessing the complete unraveling of a rat caught in the trap.  She then started screaming into the phone for me to keep my son away from her son to which I replied that I told my son that very same thing last year after the cursing incident.  Additionally, she proceeded to rattle off about how she doesn’t have too much free time on her hands and if I only knew all the things she does and blah, blah, blah.  While I was speaking, she hung up the phone on me.

    Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this 4o-something-year-old woman who gossips about people behind their back at kids’ parties and gangs up on little kids with other gossiping moms from the mom clique at school hung up the phone on me like a 15 year old.  As far as Mom B, I only spoke to her husband and she never called me to discuss the issue.  It seems her tough guy ways only apply to threatening 9 year old boys at birthday parties but not to calling that boy’s mother to defend her actions.

 

Image Credit: www.rccrawler.com

 

    At the end of the day, I am completely disgusted.  I am disgusted that these women orchestrated this attack on my child deliberately.  I’m disgusted that they are in the Parent’s Guild, Mom A is Captain of the Cheerleaders, Mom B is also involved in school activities and that they both think that this type of behavior is okay.  It’s important that they both understand that, under no circumstances will they ever have another opportunity to commit such a heinous act on either one of my children ever again.  You see, Momma Bear is on the alert and on the attack.  Nobody, and I mean nobody, messes with my kids!

Let’s discuss:  Do you have “Mom Cliques” in your child’s school?  How would you have reacted to this situation as a parent?

© 2013, Tough Cookie Mommy. All rights reserved.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Meredith-Mull/1447579839 Meredith Mull

    I don’t think we have mom cliques in my boy’s school…but there are at my daughter’s high school and there definitely was when they were in private school for a short time. I think you handled this situation the only way you could…mama has to protect her baby!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Meredith, the viciousness of these women has caught me completely off guard. It’s funny you should mention it because my sons attend a parochial school and I’m wondering if that is a factor with these “Mom Cliques.” I keep second guessing myself to see if there was any other way to handle the situation but, honestly, they had to be called out on their bad behavior.

  • http://twitter.com/ForgetfulMomma Forgetful Momma

    My children aren’t in school yet, but I have noticed that the small town we are currently living in does have mom cliques. I’m new in town, so I welcomed any friendships, also started providing childcare in my home. Two women stopped speaking to me once I started watching a little girl, they don’t like her mother. I couldn’t believe how immature people could be.

    Great job defending your children! No one messes with our children!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      That’s what shocks me too, how immature these women are! Thank you for your support, I had to stand up for my babies!

  • Irene

    Oh hell no! Im glad your son defended himself. I am definitely teaching my daughter to do the same. At 3 she is so shy that I dont know if she will but I hope so. If not u better watch out for this mama bear too.

    I really hate mom groups. I’ve tried since my daughter was a baby going to mom groups but its like trying to get into tbe Pentagon! They r catty bitches and bochinchosas, I cant stand it.

    You were right in taking action, good for you and your son. Next time they’ll think twice.

    Irene

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Yes, Irene. They are evil bochincheras! I couldn’t believe that they stooped to such a level and I felt so bad that they cornered my son like that. They will definitely think twice before messing with my kids. I’m not the one…

  • Justin K

    Hi Maria! This is a WOW! Where to begin? I have a lot of thoughts on this! First off, I’m curious about the parent that let you know that all of this went down. What was he/she doing when this happened? Watching and allowing this to happen to your son? It kind of seems like they are stirring up trouble and should have addressed the out-of-control adults when it happened, not just call you afterwards. Just my opinion. Secondly, an adult shouldn’t threaten or discipline someone else’s kid. Unacceptable. She should have asked your son which adult he was attending the party with and gone and spoken to your father in law directly and let him handle it. I do have to ask though, why did your son take a shot with a ball he didn’t pay for? It sounds like things were fine until that happened. Now, Momma Bear, I’m on your side!!! Don’t get mad at me! I am not saying that your son taking the shot justifies their behavior. Please don’t hear that. What they did was unacceptable and wrong. However, as a parent, we HAVE to deal with our own kiddo’s behavior in any situation. I am sure you already did, but it is important to speak to your son about not taking a shot he didn’t pay for. Maybe he could have had a nice enough time with these crazies had that not happened. As far as the gossiping is concerned, I am glad to hear that you called them out. People are often shocked to hear that what they are doing is gossiping! As our Moms used to say, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. This Mom clearly has an issue with you and needs to address it to your face and not take it out on your son. Period.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Hi, Justin. Yes, I completely agree with you, I spoke to my son about taking the shot with the ball he didn’t pay for. However, this is not the first time they have all attended this venue for a birthday party and all of the boys do this to each other. As a matter of fact, last time they attended a party there, my husband kept feeding the money as Mom A’s son and all the other boys kept taking shots with my son’s balls. I explained to Mom A that if the money was the issue, I would replace the dollar that was wasted. As far as disciplining my son without us, I agree with you, it is completely unacceptable. At no time did they make any effort to look for his grandfather or to ask who he was there with. I believe that this was deliberate in order to get away with mistreating my son. As far as the parent who notified me, I would rather not give too many details about them to keep them out of the line of fire. Let’s just say that they had our best interests at heart…

      • Justin K

        Maria, I was just discussing this with my wife. Mean girls! I think you are right- she took the opportunity to do something she NEVER would have done had you been there (are you better now, BTW?)! Glad to hear about the parent who notified you! I figured there was more to the part about the balls and the money. That sounds exactly like what boys would do! Now, I am nervous about this Dad being your son’s Assistant Coach. How are you going to handle that? It is interesting that this Mom didn’t even try to deny what happened. She knew she got caught and was trying to divert your attention by bringing up past issues. It is all kind of disturbing really. I have to say I’m not surprised though, because there are parents like this that I deal with as a teacher. I’m sure you do too!

  • Me

    Now that you’re stood up for your children, move on. Really, though, who cares what other parents say about you or your kids? It’s a waste of time to worry about what people say behind your back. Make a new group of friends, encourage your son to do the same. Surround yourself with positive, loving people.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Just to be clear, I am moving on. However, I will not accept how my son was attacked deliberately by adult women. Additionally, what is said about my family and I does matter when it is said in front of my children…

      • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

        P.S. These are not my friends nor have they ever been my friends. They are the parents of my children’s classmates that I encounter at school events and social functions.

    • http://twitter.com/corp_racism Kristan Ramos

      Evil, left alone and unexposed, thrives and flourishes. Public bad manners requires a public response. Exposing this type of behavior publicly DOES shame people… and rightfully so. Coddling people is part of what has led to this type of behavior being so rampant. Public exposure makes people accountable – and it makes OTHER bullies think twice about doing it for fear of being exposed and becoming social pariahs.

  • Marlene

    Wow! Definitely would have probably seriously kicked someone a**. Unacceptable for any person to attempt to discipline, threaten or belittle any child.
    This happened to my then 13yr old. The other mother hid and avoided me from the entire school year. Im like the mama lion.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      I’m like the Mama Lion too. These women are permanently cut off, believe that.

  • Ateachertellsthetruth

    Good for you for being upfront with those women. As a mother of six, I have witnessed moms like this every town where we have ever lived. Women are so shallow, catty, and phony so often and it is exhausting! I’m in a new town again, and I can smell it in the water. And the world wonders why kids in schools are as mean and cruel to other kids…they learn it from their equally mean-spirited parents. I saw it daily as a high school teacher. Where are the genuine women these days, who don’t care about status houses and cars, who just want to be real friends? Good luck to you. Don’t sweat them…they’re not worth it.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      You are so right, children who are cruel definitely learn it from their parents. I’m definitely not going to give them any additional importance. I’ll tell you what, though, I will never allow either of my sons to attend any school related event where they will be without my husband or myself. It is sad but I have to watch my boys like a hawk around these women…

  • http://twitter.com/MsLatina Migdalia

    I’m so sorry you and your son had to go through that. As the coach’s wife, Captain of the Cheerleaders, and their heavy involvement in the school’s activities, I’m not surprised that they feel entitled to behave as they did. Bullies are bullies no matter their age and once they see they can continue they will. Thankfully, you stood up to them and showed them you are a force to be reckoned with!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Migdalia, unfortunately, you are correct that bullies come in all ages, shapes, and sizes. Silly me to think that grown women were exempt from behaving this way. I’m glad I stood up to them and let them know that my children are not to be messed with. Thank you for your feedback.

  • http://twitter.com/TaoOfPoop Rachel Demas

    YES, and my child is only 20 months old! I’m sorry to hear it gets so much worse. I’m actually afraid to leave this comment, because, heaven forbid, one of them saw it. They think that they are right about everything because they have numbers on their side. That doesn’t make right in my book.

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Rachel, they definitely seem to feel empowered because of their numbers. That definitely does not intimidate me, I’m not the one.

  • Bicultural Mama

    Wow, it’s like Mean Girls, the grown up version. It’s good you confronted them as they’ll know that you’re not afraid to stand up for your son. Very disrespectful that they’re talking about your family negatively in front of your son as if he wasn’t there. If you had been there, they wouldn’t have said it (at least not to your face). Some people never grow up!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Maria, they definitely would not have said anything like that had my husband and I been there. That’s what bothers me the most that they took advantage of the situation to prey on my son and to take their mean girl claws out…

  • http://www.faketillmake.com/ Sara Leanne – (Fake Till Make)

    I don’t even have children yet, but this post got me all fired up! I am so sorry you and your son had to go through this. This brought me right back to being bullied in elementary school, and you are a great mom for standing up for your boy!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Thank you, Sara. It means a lot to have so many moms support how I handled the situation. I’ve been second guessing myself over and over wondering if I should have reacted more or less…

  • http://asortafairytalewithyou.blogspot.com/ Camilleta

    That is just awful that they did that, I can’t imagine treating a child like that!!!! I can see where the boy who pushed your son learned his manners, from his mother!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Camilleta, that’s exactly what I said, he acts just like his mother, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

  • Jai @ Mami’s Time Out

    That’s some BS! I to have taught my son to keep his hands to himself but to protect himself if need be. I think it’s crazy that they pounced on him like that without looking for you! Speaking of, the other day I found my son has a bully on the bus. To the point that his principal and teacher got involved. Now, the first thing I said was “Don’t make me talk to his mom!” You never go to the kid about things like that! You have an adult conversation with the mother to basically handle her kid lol. I’m Momma Bear too. Don’t mess with my babies or we going to have problems! ;)

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      That’s exactly how I feel, do whatever you want to me but don’t mess with my kids. Yes, you never talk to the kid without the parent!

  • Leigh Ann Sharpsteen

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

    • http://toughcookiemommy.com/ Maria – Tough Cookie Mommy

      Thank you, Leigh Ann. :)

  • http://twitter.com/corp_racism Kristan Ramos

    It takes a real mature person to corner a 9 year old by himself, right?! It seems that some parents today have such a lack of self control! They don’t think about the example they are setting for their children. Conflict resolution skills should be a required elective in schools so that those children who don’t have any coping skills stand a chance in their lives – it’s like their parents are imposing a sentence on them – and it’s horrifically unfair.

    I was at the park with my daughter about a month ago and a little boy around the age of five pushed another little boy. The boy who got pushed, his mom went off the deep end, screaming and cursing “F” bombs at the little boy who pushed him and was threatening to do him bodily harm. I stepped in and asked her to stop using that language in front of a playground full of children and to please go find the boy’s mother and tell him. She then turned on me. She was completely out of control to the point that I ended up having to call 911. They don’t allow that type of behavior at family parks here and I gave her every chance to back down. The police showed up and the last thing I saw was her running down the street with the police chasing her.

    I’m glad you did what you did, Maria, because they’ll think twice before showing their backsides in the same way again (not that they won’t do it again, they’ll just be more subtle). Not to mention, their behavior has been put on public display by your blog (love it!). Like the old saying goes, “Act like an ass, get ridden like one.”

    I like your style, Maria! :)

  • Rebecca Shockley

    I have 5 children and 4 of which are in school, I have dealt with a variety of these Mom cliques and they all seem to have the same M.O. Run off at the mouth, turn there nose down at you and then openly gossip, and all with a smile on there face. I know and come prepared to function’s that seem to have these women crawling out of their cave’s! I usually wear some bitch-kicker’s, and take care to have my hair bound. You never know, and I’m not always dealing with sane or logical people here. I go with the best of intention’s, yet, it’s like I have a GPS tracker for women of this nature, my switch get’s hit and it’s all over with. I can be civilized, I can even be cordial, but, like most poison, I come with a warning. You absolutely handled this very appropriately and with authority, like you should’ve!!! These women when younger are the one’s we hated in HS, the one’s who made life miserable. They never change, maybe some, not many. Most of the time, they just need to be brought down a notch or two and if more than that, then like I said, put your hair up. I’m not promoting violence here, but seriously, you think by calling the police in some matter’s it makes a difference, NO, it makes them more angry and then they think they are above the law. Certain situation’s call for certain measure’s, such as a reality check, even then, that reality check might have to be kicked up a notch. Now, these are worst case scenario’s, but if anyone messes with my babies, even at 19 for the oldest, man, better have some good running shoe’s. Oh, and don’t think for one minute I’M RUNNING, I’m behind the wheel, I don’t have time to get in shape for a marathon, lol, noooo, noooo, noooo. You handled this with skill mama!!!

  • Pingback: Did She Really Just Say That? - Tough Cookie Mommy()